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Is America Burning Out? (How to Minister to an Exhausted, Cynical Culture)

Sean Cronin — Mon, 12 Oct 2020 09:00:02 +0000

by Carey Nieuwhof: You know that people burn out. In fact, given the way you feel, you may have asked whether that’s what happening to you.

But here’s a deeper question.

Can a culture burn out?

And if the answer is yes, any chance that’s happening to America in this moment?

An accurate diagnosis might be helpful right now because, if you’re like me, as you read the news and scroll through your feed it’s hard not to feel despair.

I was speaking to a group of next generation church leaders recently, most in their twenties or early thirties, and as I thought about their future, I was reminded of how pessimistic so many of the outlooks on the future are right now.

That’s when it hit me: it is possible for an entire culture to experience burn out, and is that in fact happening?

Between a pandemic, a fragile economy, racial injustice, climate instability, and very stressful election and political tone, it’s a very difficult moment.

Then the even bigger question: in light of all this, how do you minister to an exhausted, cynical culture?

If in fact, a country is showing signs of burnout, that does three things.

First, it provides an accurate diagnosis, which has value in itself. Not knowing what’s wrong makes it very difficult to make things right.

Second, a diagnosis points the way to treatment. And third, it ultimately offers hope of recovery.

Which is my motivation in writing this post. Although I’m a Canadian, I’ve always had a deep affection for America and (until the pandemic impacted travel) spent a great deal of time there.

Many of my deep friendships and partnerships are with Americans, so the connections mean a lot to me. Add to that the fact that America is still such a global influencer, and we realize we all get better when America gets better. And we all suffer when America suffers.

So what’s going on, and what can we do about it?

How do you minister to an exhausted, burned out culture?

We all get better when America gets better. And we all suffer when America suffers. So the question becomes, how do you minister to a burned out culture?

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Some Signs It May Be Burnout

I’m personally familiar with the challenge of burnout. Having burned out personally around the age of 40, I’m all too familiar with the symptoms and challenges associated with it.

I’ve outlined the symptoms to look for here, but let me give you a partial, short list of what people go through when they experience burn out.

Given that a nation is the sum of its people, it’s good to look within to yourself and around to others. And when certain behaviours and characteristics are widespread enough to characterize a people, you could argue the culture is burning out.

So what do you look for? While this is not a medical diagnosis, see if any of this sounds familiar.

Cynicism, a loss of passion, and a pervasive numbness often signify burnout. To say we’ve grown cynical and grown numb as a culture is a bit of an understatement right now. And cynicism never finds a home in a healthy heart.

In addition to numbness, though, burnout can bring out disproportionate emotional responses like anger over things that shouldn’t normally make you angry. The weird combination of numbness to many things and a livid anger about other things is a classic sign of burnout. On that note, that’s exactly what your social media feed is right now—a strange combination of indifference and fury.

The weird combination of numbness and a livid anger about other things is a classic sign of burnout. On that note, that’s exactly what your social media feed is right now—a strange combination of indifference and fury.

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Other symptoms include loss of motivation (this will never get better, so what’s the point?) and the inability to think straight. When I burned out it was as though my mind stopped working…I just couldn’t form many logical thoughts. Taking a look at our culture right now, and it’s easy to see we’re not making great decisions, and the decisions we are making are often fuelled by impulse, emotion and anger (see above).

A final sign worth noting is that people who are burning out often self-medicate. That usually takes the form of addiction.

The addiction can be something as ‘virtuous’ as work or food. For me, it was both of those things. I worked far too many hours and ate some of my feelings (which of course, just makes you feel worse). Other times you can get addicted to spending, gaming, binge watching, exercise, or anything else that helps you numb out or escape.

And, of course, people also self-medicate through the use of alcohol, drugs, sex and gambling.

The fact that we’re a deeply addicted culture points to an inability to cope with the current reality. Which opens the door wide for healing and ministry.

So what can you do to point toward a solution, rather than be part of the problem?

Cynicism never finds a home in a healthy heart.

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1. Drink from a deeper well

It’s not your imagination, your social media feed and news feed are hard to take right now.

While it’s important to stay connected and in touch as a leader, the main thing your social media and news feed do these days is feed your anxiety. What’s used to feed your mind and heart now just feeds your despair.

The main thing your social media and news feed do these days is feed your anxiety. What’s used to feed your mind and heart now just feeds your despair.

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Which is why you need to drink from a deeper well.

Obviously, for Christians, that starts with scripture.

But in a fractious time, even reading the Bible can be one more way to find ammunition to attack the other side or prove your point. That’s just a bad use of the bible.

Don’t let your news feed filter your reading of scripture. Let your reading of scripture filter your news feed. The former fuels anxiety. The latter diffuses it.

Another great practice right now is to anchor yourself in timeless truth. Go back to a favourite devotional book, spiritual classic or something that wasn’t written in the last 20 years.

Sages have made it through crises in the past. If you keep yourself anchored, so will you.

Don’t let your news feed filter your reading of scripture. Let your reading of scripture filter your news feed. The former fuels anxiety. The latter diffuses it.

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2. Bind wounds, don’t aggravate them

When a culture is wounded, ask yourself whether your chief goal is to bind the wound or aggravate it. Right now, it feels like many have gone beyond poking and into aggravation.

What if you just decided that your approach in life and online was going to be to bind wounds, not aggravate them?

To try to heal your enemies rather than harm them?

A simple way to begin is to ask this question: how can I help?

If what you’re about to say or do doesn’t help your neighbour, don’t say it and don’t do it.

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3. Offer a real alternative to hype and hate

Our world is looking for an alternative right now.

Deciding what you want to be known for is the first step in the right direction.

As my friend Jeff Henderson points out, most churches (and many church leaders) have been known for what they’re against. It’s much better to be known what you’re for.

Being against something take almost no work. I personally find it easy to come up with almost instant criticism of almost anything.

So many people eating Doritos who have never once stepped foot on a field know how to manage an NFL team better than a head coach. Criticism is easy and often inaccurate.

It’s much harder to decide what you’re for. But that’s where all the value is.

Being for something will actually require something of you. Some effort, some principles, some sacrifice and perhaps some misunderstanding.

Church leaders make a mistake when they imagine that the scripture is mostly about things we’re against. It’s not.

It’s about things we’re for. The alternative community that emerged in the first century that was characterized by love, equality, generosity, sacrifice, caring for the marginalized and least important and the outward thrust of the Gospel reshaped the world and reshaped history.

The next generation today is looking for an alternative to hype and hate. They’re looking for hope.

The church is their best hope for finding that. If we focus on the things the early church focused on, they will.

The next generation today is looking for an alternative to hype and hate. They’re looking for hope.

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4. Take care of yourself

This is a long, tiring journey we’re on.

The crisis everyone thought would last for a few months is dragging on with no end in sight. Which chronic instability on the indefinite horizon, healthy leaders are the only leaders who are going to make it long term.

So take care of yourself.

For years I ran on no reserves. You just can’t do that. And your vacation won’t save you.

Here’s why: time off won’t heal you when the problem is how you spend time on. Most of us run at unsustainable pace, limping into our weekends and vacation hoping they’ll restore us. They won’t. A vacation can’t solve an unattainable pace. A sustainable pace can solve an unattainable pace.

Time off won’t heal you when the problem is how you spend your time on.

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The mantra I’ve lived by for the almost 15 years since my burnout is live in a way today that will help you thrive tomorrow. I’ve adjusted everything in my life to try to make sure that happens: my sleep, diet, exercise, time off, the kind of work I do and so much more.

So think about that: what do you need to do today so you can thrive tomorrow?

Cancel some meetings? Delegate a little more? Say no to some new opportunities? Go for a run? Get to bed early tonight? Stop drinking every night to relieve the stress? Take a nap? Get that workout in?

It’s probably a combination of all of that (and more).

If you don’t put some margin in your life today, you won’t have much of a tomorrow.

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5. Unfollow

One of my personal values is ‘err on the side of generosity’. I like being generous, not just financially, but in spirit, trying to give people the benefit of the doubt and including rather than excluding.

I’m also deeply concerned about confirmation bias and the echo chamber than social media algorithms create (I wrote about that here).

That said, I’ve unfollowed more people in the last year than in the last five years combined largely because they are fuelling the anger rather than diffusing it. And no, I’m not talking about the racial justice discussion (I’ve actually followed that conversation more closely).

But the kind of people who are always stirring up controversy, magnifying division and taking entrenched partisan (rather than principled) stands became such a distraction and agitation for me that unfollowing or muting seems to be the best option.

It’s difficult to think (and pray) deeply when you have people constantly yelling in your ear about their take on every issue whether it matters or not.

So, you may want to consider unfollowing or muting a few people. It’s hard to bring something positive if you constantly fill your mind with negatives.

It’s hard to bring peace if you only fill your mind with division.

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What Do You See?

I really think this is a great opportunity for us, as leaders, to speak into the culture in fresh ways. But to do that, we have to be healthy.

What are you seeing? Do you think people (and perhaps our culture) are burning out?

What do you need to do to be part of the solution rather than part of the problem?

Scroll down and leave a comment.

The post Is America Burning Out? (How to Minister to an Exhausted, Cynical Culture) appeared first on CareyNieuwhof.com.

Source: Is America Burning Out? (How to Minister to an Exhausted, Cynical Culture)

The post Is America Burning Out? (How to Minister to an Exhausted, Cynical Culture) appeared first on Passion for Planting.

5 Addictions Pastors Need To Overcome (To Grow Their Church In the Future)

Esther Ritchey — Sun, 23 Aug 2020 09:00:00 +0000

By: Carey Nieuwhof

You’ve probably learned a lot about yourself in the last year.

Crisis does that to you. Crisis isn’t just an accelerator, it’s a revealer, showing you some surprising things about yourself—some good, some not so good.

Since COVID struck, church leaders have seen more than a few addictions, wants and preferences revealed.

At this point, with only half of churches re-opened, and with most re-opened churches experiencing low attendance numbers compared to pre-COVID, it may be wise to take stock of what we’ve learned so far.

You never know how much you love something until it’s taken away. And for church leaders, some of our most dearly held ways of doing church were snatched away overnight.

Despite the fact that church leaders claim that the church never closed, many behaved like it did, bemoaning what was lost and racing to get back.

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As the culture becomes more and more digital, mobile and home-centered (think work, school, shopping and more), the church needs to respond to keep reaching people.

If the people you’re trying to reach change, your strategy needs to change with them. Otherwise, you lose touch and become irrelevant. And while the Gospel is never irrelevant in a fast-moving culture, outdated models of church get old, fast.

If the church is going to thrive in the future, here are 5 addictions church leaders need to overcome.

While the Gospel is never irrelevant in a fast-moving culture, outdated models of church get old, fast.

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1. Buildings

Probably the first dependency to be revealed by the crisis is how facility-centric most approaches to ministry have been.

For a lot of pastors, losing access to a building felt like losing access to their ministry.

If you look at the filter through which almost all ministry has been run for decades (or centuries) it’s this: ministry happens in a central facility where people gather.

A very good question to ask is ‘why’?

For a lot of pastors, losing access to a building felt like losing access to their ministry. You have to ask why.

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While I completely agree the church needs to gather in person as well as online, gathering can happen in homes, smaller venues and a whole variety of places. The emerging idea that a church can be a church with hundreds or thousands of locations (i.e. peoples’ homes) is a really liberating idea.

While we’ll need facilities in the future, the idea that for ministry to happen it needs to take place in a public building officiated by church staff feels increasingly restrictive and anachronistic.

I’m not suggesting we should move to the house church movement as it’s existed in North American, which are disproportionately filled with insider-focused, disgruntled Christians who actively resist affiliating with others, but I do think it’s worth rethinking a more distributed and released church that can be more effective at reaching friends, neighbors, co-workers and communities.

In 2020, if coming to Christ means coming to your church in a set location and a set hour, you need a new strategy.

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2. Packed Rooms

Look, I’ll lead with a confession here. I love packed rooms. Packed rooms at church. Packed rooms when I’m speaking somewhere.

I’ve spoken to empty rooms and to full rooms, and I’ll take a full room any time.

There’s a bit of a thrill when you run out of seats and people are standing at the back or sitting on the floor.

And, yes, those of us who love that kind of thing know exactly where you need to take the picture (from the back of the room) to make the room look even fuller than it is in real life.

And you know what the ugly underbelly of that is? Ego. (See point 3 below).

Look, I get it. Communicating without a crowd is a different art and science than communicating in front of a crowd. And there’s something about a sermon that gets richer when you’re interacting with real people. Sermons are more than just content drops.

But packed rooms don’t always mean full impact.

What if God’s plan for your church is bigger than the size of your room? What if the number of people you’re called to reach don’t fit in a room, no matter what size room you build?

If the size of your vision shrinks to the size of a room you can fill, you’ve missed the church’s mission.

If the size of your vision shrinks to the size of a room you can fill, you’ve missed the mission.

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3. Our Own Egos

Okay so I guess this is turning into a confession post.

Ego is a real struggle for most of us in leadership.

Some leader’s pride springs from narcissism. Far more leaders grow proud because of insecurity than by narcissism.

I know…you’re thinking…but I’m insecure. I feel bad about myself.

How can that be pride?

Well, if pride is an obsession with self, then (surprisingly) insecure people qualify as proud. After all, insecurity makes you think about you all the time.

So let’s play that into this moment. The future is so uncertain, and so foreign. And you’re asking yourself

Do I have what it takes to lead into tomorrow?

All my gifts and skills have been honed to work for what was, not for the future that’s emerging.

If I can get us back to where we were, I’ll feel good about myself again.

You know what that is, right? Sure. It’s your ego. That’s all about you, not the mission.

As a Christian leader, you know that self is something you need to die to.

I have to die to self daily, hourly. Minute by minute.

But on the other side is a trust that is the only thing that can supplant the fear of the deep unknown.

When you die to yourself, something greater rises.

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4. Budgets and Staffing Centered in the Last Era

If you want to see someone’s idols, just look at their bank account and calendar. Regardless of what you say publicly, your bank account and calendar reveal what you really value (and what you don’t).

The same is true for churches.

Look at most church budgets though, and try to find some line items related to digital ministry. You’ll come up empty-handed.

The vast majority of churches spend 99% of their staffing dollars on in-person gatherings.

Outreach and ministry online is usually tagged onto someone’s job description as an afterthought (if it’s listed at all), and the budget for digital ministry usually has to be scrounged from other line items.

The point here is that’s probably not a wise 21st-century strategy.

Increasingly, this will be the year many churches realize you can’t have a massive impact online when you spend 1% of your staffing resources on it.

The internet is the venue in which the entire community you are trying to reach lives. If you want to reach them there, spending 1% of your resources on it is likely not the smartest strategy.

Do you know of any church near you that’s spending 30% of its resources to reach people online?

Didn’t think so.

And we wonder why we don’t see more direct results from online outreach.

Mystery solved.

It’s hard to have a massive impact online when you spend 1% of your staffing and budget on it.

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5. Creating Your Own Truth

So many leaders have started spinning their own truth.

As a former President of the United States once said, “In my presidency, people were entitled to their own opinion. They were not entitled to their own facts.”

It seems pastors are increasingly falling for creating their own facts in this post-truth era. It’s so strange that church leaders who profess adherence to truth try to create their own truth when they don’t like the facts they’re facing.

It’s so strange that church leaders who profess adherence to truth try to create their own truth when they don’t like the facts they’re facing.

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You can’t make up truth, but we try.

I’ve had so many pastors tell me “Well, the coronavirus just isn’t an issue here” when thousands of people in their state are hospitalized.

I’ve had others tell me that people will return to church in droves, when the evidence points in the other direction. (Look, I hope they’re correct. I’m just not holding my breath. Here’s why.)

Truth is hard.

But wise leaders don’t deny the truth. The smartest leaders realize their approach isn’t working and adapt.

The more you deny reality, the crueler reality is to you.

Just ask anyone who went bankrupt or whose spouse walked on them because she just couldn’t handle being treated that way anymore.

The truth is your friend. Even the truth you don’t like. Especially the truth you don’t like.

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Any Other Addictions?

As hard as all this is, there’s a brighter future ahead if we embrace it.

What do you see?

Any other addictions you see or you’re weaning yourself off?

The post 5 Addictions Pastors Need To Overcome (To Grow Their Church In the Future) appeared first on CareyNieuwhof.com.

Source: 5 Addictions Pastors Need To Overcome (To Grow Their Church In the Future)

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CNLP 309: Terry Wardle on Why So Many Leaders Cave Under the Pressures of Leadership, Why Leaders Implode Morally, and How to Grieve Your Leadership Losses

Sean Cronin — Tue, 24 Dec 2019 10:00:27 +0000

by Carey Nieuwhof: Few people have impacted Carey’s personal journey as much as Terry Wardle. That’s why it’s such a thrill to bring podcast listeners this interview.

Terry talks about why so many leaders cave under the pressure of leadership, what’s underneath the moral failure so many leaders experienced, and how to grieve the losses that come your way in leadership and ministry.

Welcome to Episode 309 of the podcast. Listen and access the show notes below or search for the Carey Nieuwhof Leadership Podcast on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts and listen for free.

Guest Links

Facebook | Website | Healing Care | Some Kind of Crazy

Episode Links

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Conversation Links

A Failure of Nerve by Edwin H. Friedman

Some Kind of Crazy by Terry Wardle

Hillbilly Elegy by J. D. Vance

Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott

The End of Memory by Miroslav Volf

Jesus and the Disinherited by Howard Thurman

Slingstones Podcast by Terry Wardle

Healing Care Mandate International

The High Impact Leader

3 Insights from Terry

1. Dysfunctional behavior is usually the symptom of a deeper problem

Terry is convinced that aberrant behavior is driven by deep wounds and false beliefs and ungrieved loss. When he looks back on his life, his depression, workaholism, and agoraphobia was never the problem, it was the symptom of a deeper problem of ungrieved losses from his past.

Eventually, Terry was able to work through the deeper issues of his past, and has since begun leading others through a similar healing journey. He works with people who have addictions, anger issues, deep depression, and many other struggles so that they can begin to attack the real wounds that are impacting them.

2. Ministry is a series of ungrieved losses

“Every loss in life demands an appropriate season of grieving, whether you’ve lost your favorite person or your favorite end.” Now, when Terry walks into a room of pastors, he can feel the ungrieved loss in that room. This breaks his heart and causes him to want to help more people.

When Terry first taught this in a seminar, someone grabbed him and said, “Say that quote again. Just say it again.” And he did. When he repeated the statement, the person started to cry because they realized when you experience a loss and just move on, rationalize it, or get onto the business of work, you cheat the grieving process.

3. It takes an emotional laden positive experience to overcome an emotional laden negative experience

Through his time of personal healing and counseling other leaders, Terry has learned that knowing scripture isn’t enough to get over the deep wounds and fears of our past. Terry has learned that it takes an emotional laden positive experience to overcome an emotional laden negative experience.

Just knowing the scripture, “Perfect love casts out fear,” does not cast out fear. It takes a very real experience with perfect love himself to cast out fear. This is what Terry encourages people to seek.

Quotes from Episode 309

Many people and leaders are not stable in their identity, and as a result, they use performance and achievement as a way of advancing themselves. – Terry WardleClick To Tweet

Workaholism in ministry is not a matter of theology, it’s a matter of pathology. And until we deal with that pathology, we’re not going to be the men and women that we are supposed to be. – Terry WardleClick To Tweet

There’s nothing that beats a person down more than trying to measure up. – Terry WardleClick To Tweet

While my gifting and anointing were such that there was advancement in my ministry, I was actually just crushed inside by not dealing with the brokenness of my past. – Terry WardleClick To Tweet

When you are basing your ministry on performance, your last performance isn’t good enough. It has to be the next performance. – Terry WardleClick To Tweet

People want to kill the pain of loss. – Terry WardleClick To Tweet

I am convinced that aberrant behavior is driven by deep wounds and false beliefs and ungrieved loss. – Terry WardleClick To Tweet

Loss is meant to be grieved. And when we fail to grieve losses, that loss internalizes. – Terry WardleClick To Tweet

If you have the fruit of dysfunction, you have the root of wounding. – Terry WardleClick To Tweet

Grieving loss begins with finding a safe environment with people that are non condemning, empathic, who are confidential and who finally give you the permission to say what’s inside and say it like it is. – Terry WardleClick To Tweet

Every wound in life, every loss in life, every false belief, needs confronted in the presence of Christ so we can be freed from those. – Terry WardleClick To Tweet

When Jesus was at his worst, God didn’t give him a scripture. He gave him an experience of his presence. – Terry WardleClick To Tweet

Change doesn’t happen because someone told you you need to change, change happens when you’re desperate enough to say, I must change. – Terry WardleClick To Tweet

I think many of us try to forgive before we grieve. – Terry WardleClick To Tweet

You got to grieve the losses that have come your way. And then if there’s someone to forgive after you’ve grieved it, you’ll have the strength to go ahead and forgive. – Terry WardleClick To Tweet

You’ll know when forgiveness is complete when the issue no longer comes to mind. – Miroslav VolfClick To Tweet

Read or Download the Transcript for Episode 309

Looking for a key quote? More of a reader?

Read or download a free PDF transcript of this episode here.

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Didn’t See It Coming Will Help You Solve the Problems Most Leaders Miss

If you want practical help overcoming some of the biggest challenges leaders face, my book Didn’t See It Coming: Overcoming the 7 Greatest Challenges That Nobody Expects and Everyone Experiences tackles the seven core issues that take people out: cynicism, compromise, disconnectedness, irrelevance, pride, burnout, and the emptiness of success and provides strategies on how to combat each.

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Over the years, one of the things I’ve enjoyed most about being a public speaker is having opportunities to hang out with Carey…It’s not a matter of if you’ll run into these challenges; it’s a matter of when. Be prepared by spending a little time with a leader who has already been there.” Jon Acuff, NYT best-selling author

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Next Episode: Jasmine Star

Jasmine Star dropped out of law school, didn’t even own a camera, and within 4 years was one of top photographers in the world. These days as a strategist, entrepreneur and social media influencer, Jasmine talks about how to find and connect with your dream customer or audience, how focusing on who you want to reach drives growth, and how to protect your online message against the algorithm changes that happen all the time.

Subscribe for free now and you won’t miss Episode 310.

The post CNLP 309: Terry Wardle on Why So Many Leaders Cave Under the Pressures of Leadership, Why Leaders Implode Morally, and How to Grieve Your Leadership Losses appeared first on CareyNieuwhof.com.

Source: CNLP 309: Terry Wardle on Why So Many Leaders Cave Under the Pressures of Leadership, Why Leaders Implode Morally, and How to Grieve Your Leadership Losses