Source: The Greatest Test of Character You’ll Ever Face as a Leader

The post The Greatest Test of Character You’ll Ever Face as a Leader appeared first on Passion for Planting.

by Greg Curtis: Kendra at one of her favorite places to be: Big Bear Lake California.

If you have three children like I do, you have had the concern for the emotional landscape of your child in the middle. My so-called “middle child” is Kendra. She is now 24.

Kendra was wedged in the birth order between two big personalities. Her older brother Chase is a 7 wing 6 and can absorb most of the attention in any room he walks into with his ridiculous sense of humor. Her little sister Carly (who I wrote about in the post about Fives at your church) was determined to not be left out of anything her siblings where experiencing, especially if it involved her mother.

The pleasant surprise? Kendra never clamored for the attention that her baby sister required or that Chase seemed to attract. She was content being in the background and loved helping create structure for the other two as they “did their thang”.

Kendra grew up helping organize our family nights, going to chef school, and as an adult planning menus and cooking wonderful meals in our home. She loves creating moments and organizing trips for friends whether traveling abroad or over coffee. As an Art Education Major, she leads workshops on calligraphy and watercolor at wineries and boutiques. She continually suggests fun activities that could be on the calendar “once a month” or “annually”. She is kind, funny, loves to serve others, and is slow to advocate for herself or to say anything bad about someone else.

Oh, and about every four months, she reorganizes the garage and rearranges her room.

Why? Because Kendra is a 9 and I could not be more grateful.

How a Type Nine sees their world

A Nine (known as The Peacemaker), see the world as a potentially chaotic place where conflict can easily erupt between otherwise good people.

That’s why Nines are known to…

Kendra and I (She’s the one hiding behind her cup of coffee) on top of a rock we climbed up at Bluff Lake Reserve. She brought the caffeine.

Wear a Cloak of invisibility. Harry Potter is not the only person who possess one. Nines come equipped with one and would prefer to wear it whenever there is conflict and wherever there is someone who enjoys taking the stage.

Take the other side. Nines are known as the “devil’s advocates”, largely due to their desire for people to live at peace with each other. If someone is angry with a particular person, they will instinctively find the upside of that person in an effort to smooth the tension. As you can imagine, that doesn’t always work.

Express their anger through stubbornness. You may remember from the chart on my post on Threes that Nines are surprisingly part of the Anger Triad of the enneagram. Where Eights will express their anger aggressively and Ones express it resentfully, Nines will express it passively through a stubbornness that is unparalleled in any other Type. While agreeing with your input to avoid conflict with you, they will inwardly dig in their heels and remain anchored in their position.

Be optimistic and trusting. In an effort to continually make peace, Nines see the silver lining in every cloud, the upside to every situation, and the best side of even the most negative person. They will explain away (or try to get your help in brainstorming) why and how a person could possibly do/say what they do. All this is an effort to understand them and potentially remove the barb of open conflict in the relationship.

Are out of touch with their emotions. Living outside of their emotions is what helps them keep a peaceful equilibrium both inside and outside themselves. As a result, Nines join Threes in being the last to know how they are doing emotionally. It doesn’t mean that they are flat or expressionless. They can be extremely excited, passionate, or indignant. Just not in ways that will risk dissolving peace between themselves and others.

Create order and contentment wherever they go. Nines have little to no tolerance for confusion or for a vacuum. They will fill the vacuum almost immediately by creating a plan, cleaning up a mess, or charting a new course. They enjoying meaningful routines and do not like changing their way of doing things. This makes them the Type most known for loving the outdoors-embracing the peace, order, consistency, beauty and focus it brings.

As a 9, Kendra not only loves the outdoors, she loves taking others there too. Look at the difference in reaction of the Peace Maker to the lovely bird, and the reaction of her sister Carly who is a 5 (The Investigator).

So how does all this make a Nine feel when they walk into your church this weekend?

How a Nine experiences your church

Nines see your church as an invitation. As people who are prone to the comfort of the back seat, they can be either touched by an invitation to sit in the front seat or intimidated. Nines are people who value their anonymity, but also hope for a comfortable and familiar connection when they experience a church. They inwardly hope to be included, but not in a way that risked upsetting anyones apple cart. They do not usually initiate their own inclusion but look for someone to invite them into community in a non public way.

Dos and Don’ts for for connecting a Type Nine

Do: Personally invite them.

Guests who are Nines have a positive reaction to most personal invitations. Whether through a note, a text or a voicemail, Nines are often touched by someone who reaches out to them individually.

Make these invitations count by being specific and strategic. Invite them to your one program for connecting guests and look for a way to seat them with someone they know to make things feel more familiar.

Don’t: Single them out.

Singling out a Nine in front of others is not an invitation. It’s intimidation. They do not like to be pointed out in front of a group.

This also impacts volunteer placement for Nines.

Kendra sings on our worship team and plays keys. Her biggest challenge can be visibly commanding the stage to lead others in worship when her comfort zone is focusing on the music she is creating. This is how Nines usually operate. Don’ts for volunteer placement include:

Asking them to lead. Peacemakers do not naturally like to take charge of other people as that means plenty of opportunities for conflict.

Asking them to spontaneously do something in front of other people. One of their joys in life comes from serving people through a job well done. For them, this comes through adequate and thoughtful preparation.

Leaving them alone to figure it out. Because clarity and order are part of how Peacemakers insure harmony, they can become paralyzed if you give them a mandate to figure out how they should do something in a new role for them. They want to please and do it well so give them a road map and they will be thrilled.

Onboarding them just before a major change. Wait till the new way of doing things has been determined or the new staff person in charge of the area is in place. It can be very frustrating to change averse Nines to figure out what serves people well only to have it dismantled or to start from scratch with somebody new. Though they may have good input ahead of time, bring them in to serve once the road has been cleared, not before.

So what then is the “Superpower” of a Nine on a volunteer team?

The super power of a Nine on a volunteer team is their ability to create order and harmony. They makes them fantastic team members and assistants. They are effective admins extending their peace through order and process. They are at home with behind the scenes roles but can serve up front with adequate preparation. They are great “welcomers and hospitality people (think customer service here) and love to make a great impression on new people and the people who have been around a long time. They know how to do it too! They are faithful and will serve in the same role for a long time if they a watered a little with appreciation and feel they are part of a consistent team and task.

My observation is that Nines are attracted to the teaching profession . You can see how having your own class of students following the processes and order you have created would appeal to a Nine. The atmosphere of harmony and fun they create is attractive to students of all ages and super important for kids.

Kendra making friends like only a 9 can.

Kendra went to culinary school and excelled, even won awards. Then she went to work at a restaurant. That atmosphere surrounding kitchens is high stress and sometimes contentious. She dropped out of culinary school and pursued worship leading next. Her experience in dealing with musicians, her desire to create order for them and her aversion to conflict made the worship part, not the leading part her sweet spot.

Now she is pursuing a teaching degree to become an Art and English teacher for high school. She has an online business called The Fleur Wreath that has been quite successful as she leads calligraphy and water color workshops at boutiques, wineries, and her studio. She works with all ages, written a short book on how to learn calligraphy, and creates a great environment for budding artists.

Kendra has found her sweet spot professionally and in ministry at our church. Helping a Nine find his or her’s in your church will be well worth the effort.

As I wrap up this enneagram series, look in my upcoming posts in August for this:

5 practical things I learned to connect guest from a hike I went on.

9 ways to minimize attendance drops at your assimilation program if it has multiple sessions.

A cool enneagram resource for your marriage based on you and your spouse’s numbers.

A preview of a new resource I am releasing in the Fall that will include an test to determine the enneagram number of our church, its connect-ability factor to certain types, and a checklist for eliminating your church’s vulnerabilities in connecting with any number.

See you on the climb!

Do you have unmet needs for admin type or organization help during events, programs, or at your office? Do serving in these areas offer a relational environment for Nines to connect with others and feel a sense of belonging?

Having you ever put a super talented Nine in a leadership position? How did it go? What did you learn? What did they learn?

In what ways could you create more personal invitations to serve that a Nine might respond well to at your church?

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Source: How a Type 9 on the Enneagram experiences your church and how to connect them

The post How a Type 9 on the Enneagram experiences your church and how to connect them appeared first on Passion for Planting.

By Carey Nieuwhof

If you’re a driven leader, want to know how to really frustrate your team?

Just utter some of the phrases that naturally flow from your mouth.

I’ve driven my team crazy over the years by saying things and sharing expectations that seem logical to me but crushing to them.

As a driven leader myself, I’ve learned that I see the world through a lens that has both an upside and a real downside. As a young leader, I only saw the upside of the way I saw things and thought everybody should see the world that way I see it.

Big mistake.

The older I get and the more experience I gain, the more I realize that the unique lens through which I see the world as a driven leader has to be tempered.

Okay let me qualify that.  You should only temper your words and approach if you want to keep high quality team members around for a long time. If not, no worries. Carry on.

Two things can really help you become a better leaders; self-awareness and self-regulation. To be self-aware is one thing. Self-aware leaders know that what they’re going to say or do is a problem.

To know what you’re about to do is counter-productive is only part of the challenge.

Even better is a leader who decides to self-regulate…to stop, reflect and change before the damage is done. I’m working hard at self-regulation because, of course, self-aware, self-regulated leaders make far better leaders.

So, in the hopes of becoming more self-aware and more self-regulated, here are 7 things driven leaders say that really frustrate their team.

Self-aware, self-regulated leaders make far better leaders. Click To Tweet

1. These numbers can’t be right

So what do you do when you don’t like the numbers?

Too many times, here’s what I’ve done: dismissively said These numbers can’t be right.

Occasionally—very occassoinally—I’m right. Someone miscounted, or the there’s an error in the formula in the spreadsheet.

But usually, I’m wrong. I just don’t like what I see.

Just because you don’t like the numbers you see as a leader doesn’t mean the numbers are inaccurate.

Just because you don’t like the numbers you see as a leader doesn’t mean the numbers are inaccurate.Click To Tweet

When you don’t like what you see, stop questioning what you see. Change whatever you need to change to make things better.

Great leaders stop complaining about results they don’t like and start working on the problems that produce the results.

Great leaders stop complaining about results they don’t like and start working on the problems that produce the results.Click To Tweet

2. How hard can that be?

Many—not all—but many driven leaders are visionaries. (To find out whether you are, listen to Les McKeown here.)

I am, which means I often see things from a 30,000 feet perspective.

And at 30,000 feet, everything looks easy.

Launch a new location? Simple.

Change everything? Start right now.

Write a book? Piece of cake.

After all, how hard can it be?

Well, apparently, quite hard.

Doing anything significant is hard work. Anything significant I’ve done (including launching a new location, changing everything and writing books) has been hard. But visionaries easily forget how hard things are.

Visionaries see the opportunity when everyone else sees the obstacles. Usually that’s a good thing.

Except when you’re trying to motivate your team. They see how hard it is. They’re living it.

Visionaries see the opportunity when everyone else sees the obstacles.Click To Tweet

The best thing you can do is acknowledge how hard it is, empathize with them, ask what barriers you can help remove and let them know you see how hard they’re working.

Then keep seeing opportunities when it’s so easy to let the obstacles defeat you.

When your team knows you see how hard it is, they’re far more motivated to work hard.

When your team knows you see how hard it is, they’re far more motivated to work hard.Click To Tweet

3. That won’t take much time at all

Another chronic trap driven leaders fall into is underestimating how long it will take to complete a task or project.

Doing that with your own work is one thing, but undervaluing the time it takes your team to do something is demotivating.

For example, you might think asking your assistant to change a flight is easy. But when was the last time you rebooked a flight? I know last time I did it, I messed it up royally and someone else had to swoop into fix it. But I almost forget that.

With any project, it’s a great idea to ask a team member how long they estimate it might take. Don’t assume. Ask.

Then check in and ask how it’s going.

Do they need more time?

Is their workload still realistic?

Is there anything you can to help?

Minimizing the workload your team is facing maximizes their frustration with you.

Minimizing the workload your team is facing maximizes their frustration with you.Click To Tweet

4. Didn’t I just say that?

You love to be the one with all the ideas. Except you’re not.

It’s easy as a leader to want to take the credit, to remind your team that you had the idea first, or that they’re echoing something you said.

Don’t.

Just don’t.

The fact that your team may be repeating something you said is a sign that the vision and ideas are catching on. That they’re owning the ideas you may have crafted.

Let it happen. Don’t steal back any credit. Let the ideas circulate in them.

Not only will they own them, they’ll make all your ideas and concepts better.

Celebrate it when ideas vest in your team and come from your team.

The leader who tries to steal someone else’s thunder ends up creating a whole new set of storms.

The leader who tries to steal someone else’s thunder ends up creating a whole new set of storms.Click To Tweet

5. That’s exactly what I was thinking

This isn’t one of my pet phrases, but when I’ve had others say this in response to something I’ve shared, it’s often deflating.

Sure…if you’ve truly been thinking something that someone else articulated, that can be a fun moment.

But often I’ve sense that people say this when they want to take some credit for your idea or they want to devalue what you’re saying to make them look good.

As a leader, I have to remind myself to celebrate whenever someone articulates something I was thinking about, says something I’ve said or communicated an important idea.

Just shut up. Swallow your insecurity. And celebrate the other person’s idea sincerely and deeply.

When you celebrate your team’s ideas, you’ll discover that your team tends to generate more ideas.

When you celebrate your team’s ideas, you’ll discover that your team tends to generate more ideas.Click To Tweet

6. I thought you just got back from vacation

It can be easy as a boss to think everybody should be at work every day, 52 weeks a year.

Bad idea.

People need a break and should have meaningful time off.

Don’t disparage days off and vacation. Applaud them.

As much as there’s a part of me wish everyone on my team was available all the time, I’ve found that when I ask them whether they’re getting time off, whether they’re enjoying the time off, and whether work is making unfair demands on them, you get team members who show up and give you far more than if you’re always driving them.

Remember, you bring who you are into everything you do. And a rested you is a better you.

So make sure you create a culture in which it’s easy to rest, take time off and then come back ready to engage powerfully and meaningfully in work.

You bring who you are into everything you do. Don’t disparage days off and vacation. Applaud them. A rested you is a better you. Click To Tweet

7. You Have To…

Guess what? Nobody has to do anything.

Sure…you’re staff get paid, but they don’t have to work with you. They can quit and find meaningful work somewhere else. And along the way they’ll find a better boss.

Volunteers can quietly walk out the door at any moment.

Nobody has to do anything.

And, as resentful as you might feel, you don’t have to do anything either for that matter.

You get to do things. I get to do things. And if you really feel like everything’s a horrible burden and obligation, maybe you’re in the wrong job or at least in the wrong headspace.

What I find is that if I ask people to do something, they almost always do it, and with greater enthusiasm than if I told them to do it.

Sometimes I’ll even ask my team “Hey, would it be possible for you to do X? If not, I completely understand.”

I almost never have anyone who says no. And on the rare occasion they do, we can drill down and see why something is difficult for them to do in the moment.

The principle under this? When you give people an out, they lean in.

When you give people an out, they lean in. Click To Tweet

Become a Better Leader..This Week

One of the reasons leaders struggle to improve their leadership is, quite honestly, they feel like they just don’t have the time to do it.

Change that.

My approach to life and leadership changed radically for me over ten years ago when I figured out how to get time, energy and priorities working in my favour.

I’d love to help you free up hours each day to do the same thing. And I’ve helped over 5000 leaders do just that.

If you’re trying to find the time for what matters most in life, my High Impact Leader course, is my online, on-demand course designed to help you get time, energy and priorities working in your favour.

Many leaders who have taken it are recovering 3 productive hours a day.  That’s about 1000 hours of found time each year. That’s a lot of time for what matters most.

Here are what some alumni are saying about The High Impact Leader Course”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you for providing the course again. It has absolutely made an impact in my life and family already that I can’t even describe.” – Joel Rowland, Clayton County, North Carolina

“Just wow.  Thank you, thank you.” Dave Campbell,  Sioux Falls South Dakota

“A game changer.” Pam Perkins,  Colorado Springs, Colorado

Curious? Want to beat overwhelm and have the time to reflect, rest and reinvent yourself?

Click here to learn more or get instant access.

Anything Else?

What phrases have you said or heart that frustrate your team?

Scroll down and leave a comment!

The post 7 Phrases Driven Leaders Use (That Really Frustrate Their Team) appeared first on CareyNieuwhof.com.

Source: 7 Phrases Driven Leaders Use (That Really Frustrate Their Team)

The post 7 Phrases Driven Leaders Use (That Really Frustrate Their Team) appeared first on Passion for Planting.

by Carey Nieuwhof: So you signed up for leadership, but you didn’t really sign up for all the criticism that came with it, did you?

And yet here you are.

Criticism is an almost daily staple for most leaders. You get everything from side comments, to direct challenges, to people who walk out the door, to anonymous notes sent to you by people with no courage.

You dread it. I dread it. Who doesn’t?

In fact, it can completely derail your day, your week, and your work.

So what do you do when it comes your way?

…

The post How To Respond to Critics Like an Emotionally Intelligent Leader Would appeared first on CareyNieuwhof.com.

Source: How To Respond to Critics Like an Emotionally Intelligent Leader Would

The post How To Respond to Critics Like an Emotionally Intelligent Leader Would appeared first on Passion for Planting.

by Brandon A. Cox:

Source: The Power of Brutally Honest Self-Evaluation

The post The Power of Brutally Honest Self-Evaluation appeared first on Passion for Planting.