by unSeminary: Welcome to this week’s unSeminary podcast. Today I’m speaking with Pastor Lee Eclov. Lee has been in Lincolnshire, Illinois, in the suburbs of Chicago, for almost 22 years. Set in a transient community, Village Church of Lincolnshire is a church of about 200, where Lee pastors.

Lee is the author of the book Feels Like Home: How Rediscovering the Church as Family Changes Everything. He is talking with us today about how leading and loving in our churches should be like that of a parent rather than a CEO.

The mission of a church. // The idea to write the book came to Lee during a time of unsettledness in his heart and in the church. He had wrestled with the mission of the church and realized God had wired him to think of the church in terms of its environment. And the environment of a church should be a home, or household. Believers are God’s sons and daughters and together we are a family. So Lee began to ask, then how would you do church?The heart of a church. // Leaders will always naturally think organizationally and strategically. But at the heart of the church is the relationships we have with Jesus and one another. The Bible’s picture is the healthy church home gains a kind of gravitational pull to the gospel; if we are solid inside then attracting people will be more organic rather than require using corporate methods.People as a family. // It’s easy to do church for the individual, but we should focus on the importance of the body of believers as a family. The number one command is to love one another, but if we don’t even know each other’s names within our churches, it’s hard to say we’re loving one another. No matter how many people are in the church, big or small, it is still the home and family of God and we should get to know each other. Church well cared for grows healthy. // The staff needs to run and organize things within the church, but also needs to remember to make time to interact with the people. Part of the tactic at Village Church of Lincolnshire is to prioritize personal touch. This could be as simple as reaching out to people that God puts on your heart by sending an email, text or handwritten note, letting them know they are in your thoughts or prayers. Remember that you are taking care of these people.Focus on the holiness. // It’s good to know numbers, such as recording how many people are being baptized or how small groups are doing in attendance. But there can be danger in thinking that the only measure of a church’s health is if the numbers grow. Focusing only on numbers can distract us from the growth in holiness of the people because that’s often something that can’t be measured.

You can find out more about Lee and his book at www.leeeclov.com. You can learn more about the church at www.evcl.org.

Thank You for Tuning In!

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Source: Pastor Like You Parent with Lee Eclov

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Source: 4 Ways to Show You’re Really ‘In Love’ with Your Spouse

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by Healthy Growing Churches: Who remembers the show from the photo above? We don’t see many shows like this one on television anymore. Wasn’t it great to see the same plot unfold every week on TGIF?

Great, loving, supportive family
Problem or challenge unveiled
Resolution – 30 minutes later

Perhaps this type of show, though wholesome and safe for kids to watch, conditioned us to think that any issue that our family faced would have a natural, clear resolution…in about 30 minutes. Reality check. It just doesn’t work that way. You all know this. Family issues are typically quite complicated, and when you’re in ministry, family can be the one thing consistently in the back seat.

Last week, we talked about leadership development from the perspective of leading yourself well through the cultivation of your personal spiritual life. Now, let’s take it to the next step, which is family.

The Truth

Family matters. It matters way more than how many people show up at your church this Sunday or how full your leadership pipeline is these days.

Family matters. It is more important than your next hire. It is even more significant than how creative and spiritually insightful your sermon is for this weekend.

Family matters.

How we are leading ourselves, our teams, and our churches matters too. However, all of that must always take a back seat to leading well at home. Leading well at home is our first and highest priority. Life and ministry will ask us all to make sacrifices. We cannot let our family or our marriages be something that gets sacrificed on the journey of building a great ministry.

Take a few minutes to finish this short blog post and use it as a checkup for how things are at home right now. What needs to improve? What needs to change? What needs a better action plan moving forward? How are you discipling your spouse and your kids? Are you preparing them for the day they meet Jesus face-to-face?

Just in case you forgot, family matters.

My wife, Andrea, ran into an older pastor friend of ours last week. They stood in the lobby of the hospital in our community and talked for more than thirty minutes, catching up. During the conversation, Terry made a statement that overshadowed the whole conversation with Andrea. He said, “The greatest gift any pastor and spouse can give to a congregation is to model a healthy, Godly marriage.”

Wow! No truer words have been spoken to us lately.

Great Marriages Don’t Just Happen.

With twenty-eight years of marriage in the rearview mirror, Andrea and I have learned some valuable lessons along the way. The one that tops the list for me is this: Great marriages don’t just happen. We have to work at it. Life invites us to work hard at a lot of things, but nothing should get more of our attention and effort than our marriages. So, what are you and your spouse doing to foster and develop a healthy, Godly marriage? What are you doing to work at and on your marriage?

If you have children, they are the handful of people in the world that you are called to disciple first. Are you creating an environment in your home where your children can become all God created them to be? Do you have conversations and moments that will help them discover their fullest potential as a person and follower of Jesus?

As the parent of two grown children, Andrea and I have more than two decades of history and stories to tell about our parenting journey. Some of that history we would love to relive many times over. There are, for sure, moments that we would like a do-over. We did some things well and others, not so much, but it’s not about perfection. It’s more about time and presence.

Patterns and Rhythms

When it comes to parenting, healthy patterns and rhythms over time matter big time. When our kids lived at home, one of our rhythms was family dinner around our kitchen table multiple times in a week every week. We had one rule that protected this rhythm and that was no technology out during dinner time. No cell phones, tablets, or television. Those family dinners provided consistent space for us to engage, talk, and stay connected in the midst of crazy individual and family calendars.

What rhythms and moments are you creating to ensure you have the time and space to pour into your children? You only get one shot at this journey. Develop a plan. Work the plan and make adjustments to the plan as needed.

Family matters. Are you leading well at home? If so, then great! Keep at it. If not then what are you going to do about it today?

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Source: Leadership Development: Family Matters

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Source: Creating Community Over the Christmas Holidays

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Source: Filtering + Accountability + Humility: How to Protect You and Your Family from Internet Pornography

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by Carey Nieuwhof: If your team (and family) was being 100% honest, would they say they love being around you?

I know, these are the questions that keep us up at night, or at least should.

I would says the answer for me is sometimes yes, and sadly, sometimes not so much.

How about you?

Earlier this week I had a refreshing experience.  It happened on a good day.

I was boarding a flight to Houston, finishing up a phone conversation with one of my new team members. He’d had a busy few weeks and I was just checking in on how he was doing. I hung up as we were about to take off.

After we reached cruising altitude, the flight attendant came over to me and asked me:

“Was that one of your employees you were talking to?”

“Yes, actually, it was. He just started with me.”

“I’d like an application please.”

It took be back, so I asked him why.

He said this: “I wished I had a boss that cared about me that way.”

Boom.

Now I promise you, he caught me on a good day. I’m not always an amazing boss or human being. I could point out many other days when people should have quit or divorced me.

But it reminded me of how rare it is to be treated well in this world, at work or at home.

So how can you become a kinder, better boss and human being (as in spouse, parent, friend, citizen)?

Here are 15 small things that can make a big difference.

1. Remember how you feel when others (mis) treat you

How did you like to be treated when you weren’t the leader?

Remember that (remembering is a discipline), and then decide to treat people accordingly. This act of remembering can be a powerful motivator.

Nothing is quite as convicting as to have other people treat you as poorly as you treat them. Remember that.

Nothing is quite as convicting as to have other people treat you as poorly as you treat them.Click To Tweet

2. Ask how more than what

Life can be so transaction.

As a boss, spouse or parent, it’s easy to focus on what has to happen next, whether it’s a major project or soccer practice.

But as my friend Jeff Henderson taught me, great people ask how someone is doing not just what they’re doing.

So…ask them how they’re doing even more than you ask them what they’re doing. Ask what they did on the weekend, how they’re feeling, what’s interesting to them.

Ask how someone is doing more often than you ask them what they’re doing and you’ll have very grateful people around you.

Ask how someone is doing more often than you ask them what they’re doing. @jeffhendersonClick To Tweet

3. Say thanks 

Whether you are leading a paid team or volunteer team, say thanks a lot.

Gratitude is a powerful motivator.

Most employees rarely get thanked but love it when they do.

They can work for someone else you know.

Gratitude is a powerful motivator.Click To Tweet

4. Write personal notes of thanks

Whether you include a specific thank you into an email you’re already sending, or write a hand-written thank you note, be sure you thank people regularly.

Expressing gratitude actually makes you more grateful. And yep, this is a discipline for me. But one worthwhile.

5. Smile

Smiling is sometimes a discipline. Even if you have to make yourself smile, it will ultimately make you feel better than when you don’t.

And it will convey a powerful message to the person you’re talking to.

6. Look people in the eye

Eye contact is also rarer these days than ever before.

Smiling while you look at someone will encourage them in a very powerful way.

Many people feel like other people don’t like them. A smile and your full attention conveys that you do.

7. Get good at what you do

Increasing your skill level will make you like what you do more, but it will help your team respect you.

You’ll feel more positive, but so will they.

Don’t expect other people to pull their weight if you won’t pull yours. This goes for leadership at work, but also for home life when the trash needs to be taken out (again).

Leaders, don’t expect other people to pull their weight if you won’t pull yours.Click To Tweet

8. Share some of your weaknesses

You don’t need to share everything, but when you share a few things you might struggle with it goes a long way toward building trust and empathy.

Moreover, you won’t feel as much pressure to put on a ‘show’ and they will feel less pressure to measure up to an impossible standard. This really helps.

People admire your strengths, but they resonate with your weaknesses.

People admire your strengths, but they resonate with your weaknesses.Click To Tweet

9. Take time off

Yes, you’re a leader and you’ve got a crazy life.

But all work and no play = stressed, angry and dull.

10.  Have some fun

Many people don’t like their jobs because they are boring.

We have done everything from trying to make origami without instructions, to road rallies, to going to the movies, to high ropes, to throwing themed parties for staff and volunteers, to simple lunches where we celebrate milestones and people.

If people come to love where they work, they tend to work diligently. Laughter can really break the tension. We laugh a lot on our team, and it makes work a fun place to be.

Uptight people…want a short cut to fun? Take your work seriously, but don’t take yourself too seriously.

Take your work seriously, but don’t take yourself too seriously. Click To Tweet

11. Schedule margin

I struggle most when my schedule is back to back meetings.

If I schedule breaks between meetings, time to get out to stretch my legs at lunch and some time between events, I show up more refreshed. You probably do too.

Rest up. I’m at my most kind when I’m at my most rested. You are too.

Leaders, you’re at your most kind when you’re most rested. So rest. Click To Tweet

12. Celebrate wins

We try to start each meeting with what we call “wins” – how do we know we’re accomplishing our mission?

This is a great discipline because often as a leader I only see the challenges ahead, not the victories that are happening.

Most leaders have far more to be grateful for what they see in any given moment.

Most leaders have far more to be grateful for what they see in any given moment.Click To Tweet

13. Think more about others than you think about yourself 

I’m basically a selfish person. I think most of us are.

If I go into meetings thinking about how I can help others, I do better than when I go into a meeting thinking about what I can get out of it.

And others enjoy those meetings far more.

As C.S. Lewi said, true humility isn’t thinking less of yourself. It’s thinking of yourself less.

True humility isn’t thinking less of yourself. It’s thinking of yourself less. C.S. LewisClick To Tweet

14. Get some help

Still grumpy and angry at the world? Get some help.

I have used counselors in the past and I always have coaches and mentors building into me to help me see my blindspots and get better as a leader.

They really help me work through my issues and grow a more positive spirit.

15. Pray about it 

Prayer. It’s a good idea.

It’s kind of an assumption on this blog that the Christian leaders who read it are reading their bibles and praying, but just to make the implicit explicit, pray about this.

(And yes, I read your comments about “Where’s God and prayer and the Bible on this blog?” I promise you it undergirds every post…really. It’s just every post would be the same if I mentioned them all the time. This blog is about the less obvious.)

If you really struggle with mood, make sure you really pray about it.

Your bad attitude is not news to God or others, and God (and others) will be glad you are talking about it with Him.

You’ll never address what you don’t confess.

You’ll never address what you won’t confess.Click To Tweet

What Do You See?

What helps you be a kinder, gentler leader and human being?

Scroll down and leave a comment!

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Source: 15 Ways To Become a Kinder, Better Boss and Human Being

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Source: The Distinctions of Networked, Family, and Multisite Churches

The post The Distinctions of Networked, Family, and Multisite Churches appeared first on Passion for Planting.

by Jaime Owens: The walls of our church’s nursery needed painting. So there I was, on my regular day off with a brush in my hand. A country song I’d never heard before—“The Dollar,” by Jamey Johnson—filled the room as I splashed the first coat of something called Polar Bear over the entrance door.

You may be wondering at this strange confession of a native New Englander: painting to country music. I’m not sure how it happened either. But God will use almost anything to get our attention. The song is about a little boy whose father always seems too busy working to spend time with his son. So the boy saves his pennies and by the end of the song, makes an offer to his daddy:

Mama how much time will this buy me
Is it enough for just an afternoon a day or a whole week
If I’m a little short then how much more does daddy need
To spend some time with me?

Standing there, mid-stroke, I froze. What am I doing here? Have I stolen time from my wife and girls, to spend it in this empty room? And suddenly, the bitter irony of my crusade to serve my church at the expense of my family showed through, as that old ugly blue showed through my first coat of white.

Among young pastors and church planters, there’s no less than a deluge of pressure to give every waking moment to our churches, to the neglect of our families. But brothers, it should never be so.

Below I want to offer four lies that can cause young pastors to neglect their families:

1. I can poorly lead my family and powerfully lead the church.

As pastors, our leadership of the local church is never more important than our leadership at home. Consider some familiar verses: “He must manage his household well…for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church? (1 Tim. 3:4–5).”

At the front door of pastoral ministry, we find that if a pastor isn’t a family man, he’s not a churchman. Notice that for those who have families, caring for them well is a prerequisite to the ministry. Elders must, before accepting the office, be exemplary in investing in and leading their families well.

Pastors, especially church planters and those coming into a new church, are strongly tempted to bend these family qualifications for the sake of their new flock. But if God would approve and bless our shepherding, we must shepherd those closest to us: our families.

2. My family will admire my work-a-holism because it’s for Jesus.

If we give all our time to the church at the expense of our families, it won’t translate as devotion to Christ. Instead, our families will rightly see it for what it is: an unhealthy obsession with ministry. It smacks not of devotion, but selfish ambition.

On the other hand, we can be sure that the ultimate proof of devotion is presence. We can tell our families we love them, but wherever our highest commitment is, there we will be. Even a 5-year-old understands this. We cannot baptize neglect. We are either present and engaging our loved ones—or we aren’t. And if our love for Jesus means we cannot love our families, then we’re tempting our families eventually to resent us, the local church, and even Jesus.

3. After I put the church in order, then I’ll invest more at home.

If you’re at the front end of a church plant or revitalization, chances are there are some large pieces that need to be put in order. But the truth is, your church will never really be “in order.” There’s always another mountain to climb or fire to put out.

We would do well to borrow that old slogan, Semper Reformanda Our local churches are always reforming. Some churches are healthier than others. But if we delay fully engaging at home to put our churches in order, we’ll never get around to giving our families the time and attention they deserve.

4. If I don’t give the church everything, it will die. 

This is not only a rookie mistake; it’s a theological one. Christ is the head of his church—not us. And when we run ourselves ragged, when we neglect our families, we aim to stand in the place of the risen Lord Jesus, the Alpha and the Omega in Revelation 1, the one whose eyes are like fire.

As pastors, we must concern ourselves with simply being faithful because it’s God who brings growth to his bride. Yes, we should work hard, and we should work wisely. But we also need to trust God with our efforts among the body as we give first priority to our families. Christ is the head of the church, not us. And that’s a good thing.

As we struggle to apply all of this, we will fail. But God, in answer to prayer, will pour out his great grace. Ask God for the faith to entrust your local church to him.

Let’s not resemble the man in Song of Solomon: “They made me the keeper of the vineyards;  but mine own vineyard have I not kept” (1:6).

Our families are the closest people to us, and so our responsibility to disciple them and wash them in the Word is greatest.

Pastors, let’s trust God, and keep our own vineyards.

Source: 4 Lies that Cause Pastors to Neglect their Families

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by Gloria Furman: No two church planting wives are the same. Our unique church contexts, seasons, personalities, challenges, gifts, perspectives, and preferences could fill volumes.

WHAT’S DIFFERENT

If you sat down for chai with Ananya in Ahmedabad and asked her to discuss the blessings and burdens of being a church planter’s wife, she may have different things to say than Bonnie in Burnaby, Miriam in Niddrie, or Ana Clara in Sao Paulo. While I’m typing this in Dubai, certain blessings come right to mind—the extraordinary gift of worshiping Jesus with brothers and sisters from more than sixty nationalities and the overwhelming gratitude that members share even in difficult circumstances. Some burdens may include the daily pressure of navigating cultures in such a diverse context and the radiating desert sun that can zap your willpower and the battery in your car.

The loneliness and isolation that one church planting wife feels may seem like a welcome respite to a wife who compares herself to a goldfish swimming in a fishbowl surrounded by malicious cats. Concerning the spectrum of feelings about support-raising, one month may be like sharing an adventure and the next may introduce a suffocating strain on your marriage.

A wife’s confidence in “the plan” to plant a church may waver—even by the hour (and years later). One woman’s burden of acute stress in a new context or season may be a blessing in disguise as she learns to depend on the Lord for strength. For others, acute stress may be a red flag to change course.

The unofficial welcome committee may or may not roll out the red carpet for the minister’s family. I once heard a story about someone who called the school registrar and impersonated the pastor’s wife and took her kids’ names off the waitlist for next term. Another church planting wife says she has a closet full of the gifts that people keep bringing them.

One church planting wife may already be packing the house when her church planting husband looks to the horizon and wants to keep planting, and another may feel disappointed.

Persecution may be woven in with spiritual victory over demonic forces; anxiety may stand out on the backdrop of comfort and ease. These and many more contexts, seasons, personalities, challenges, perspectives, and preferences contribute to our uniqueness as church planting wives.

WHAT’S THE SAME

But some things are the same no matter who you are, what time period you live in, and where God has called your family to plant a church. For one, the conclusion is the same. By faith we all see how our various blessings and burdens are braided together in God’s hand as he only gives us everything needful for our good and his glory.

As she surveys the landscape of her blessings and burdens, the conclusion of every church planting wife is this:Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus. All of the unique factors mentioned above—every single one of them—can and do change. But God and his Word do not change, and the light of this truth illuminates our perspective on all those changeable things.

Church planting wives need to have the light of God’s Word shine on their various blessings and burdens. We need this like we need the sun to rise. We need the light in order to go about doing what we need to do. Two things happen when you turn on the lights in the kitchen. One, you can clearly see what you’re doing (and where the coffee pot is). And two, if there happen to be any cockroaches having a slumber party, they’ll scatter. When God’s Word turns the lights on for us, so-to-speak, we see reality and the contaminating lies disappear. Blessings and burdens need to be held up to the light of the Word.

APPLICATION

Here are a few floodlights of unchanging truth that every church planting wife can apply:

1. Jesus, the Chief Shepherd, has been given all authority in heaven and on earth and gives his disciples his mission with his blessing and presence (Matt. 28:18–20). Issues surrounding calling, priority, and fear are all resolved when church planting wives look to Christ and recall Jesus’ utterly comprehensive authority to tell us what we’re to be about doing, his contagious zeal to spread the glory of God among all nations, and his unassailable power to provide for us and never leave us as we go about that work.

2. By the grace of Jesus alone can a church planting wife walk in love together with the under-shepherd whom she married (Eph. 5). As they walk with Christ together, they’ll find themselves outside the camp where Christ is, and only with the help of Jesus will they bear the reproach Christ endured. However much they love (or don’t love) their city, the husband and wife know their home isn’t dependent on his job because they’re seeking the city that is to come. When push comes to shove, as they say, and like Paul the church planting husband undergoes “the daily pressure on me of my anxiety for all the churches,” the church planting wife takes her cue to boast with her husband of the things that show their weakness and Christ’s strength.

3. Jesus loves his Bride, the church, and not even the gates of hell will prevail against her (Matt. 16:18, Eph. 5:25–27). Identity, gifting, and commitment issues are resolved when church planting wives look to Christ and see how he has made them to be a brick in the building, a sheep in the flock, a priest in the priesthood, and a member of the family. All of these metaphors light up the sparks in her Scripture-soaked imagination as she dreams up ways to build up the body of Christ with the gifts given to her by the ascended Lord Jesus.

Blessings and burdens mingle together as we live in this world that groans for the Day of redemption—now several minutes closer than it was at the start of this article. There’s no way a finite heart can hold all the things a church planting wife will face in life and ministry. But Christ can, he does, and he will.

Source: The Blessings and Burdens of A Church Planter’s Wife

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Source: Church Planting with Kids

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