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How to Pastor a Mob

Sean Cronin — Sat, 22 May 2021 09:00:00 +0000

By Craig Nieuwhof: How do you pastor a mob?

The truth is you can’t.

At least not easily.

The only problem is that right now you have to.

In the last few years, we’ve moved from an era of reasonable consensus to polarization, partisanship, and division. That’s true of congregations, boards, staff, teams, and almost every group that gathers these days.

The crisis of 2020-2021 has accelerated and heightened the tension.

For pastors, and for almost every leader these days, there’s no escaping the fact that pastoring a mob now comes with the job.

No wonder 29% of pastors have said they’ve seriously thought about quitting ministry in the last year. And turnover was already a challenge everywhere.

To make it more interesting, not only does everyone have an opinion, everyone now has a platform on which to share it. And share it they do.

The question becomes, do you lead in this environment, where few people agree on anything and everyone has easy access to you to criticize anything you do as a leader publicly and regularly?

How do you pastor a mob?

It’s definitely not easy, but here are four strategies that can help.

For pastors, and for almost every leader these days, there’s no escaping the fact that pastoring a mob now comes with the job.

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1. Expect Less Affirmation (So Find It Elsewhere)

One of the big adjustments every leader is making right now is to get used to leading with less affirmation.

As Tim Keller put it recently,

“Not only is everybody tired, but nobody’s getting any positive affirmation…Almost nobody’s getting any pats on the back.

So you’re just running and running to try to keep things together. And there are no hugs, literally no hugs.

[Leaders are] getting absolutely no affirmation. There’s just a tremendous amount of loneliness of feeling of being separated from so many people that we care about. We just can’t live this way.”

Keller is absolutely correct.

Not only is everybody tired, but nobody’s getting any positive affirmation. Almost nobody’s getting any pats on the back. And there are no hugs, literally no hugs. We just can’t live this way. @timkellernyc

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What Do You Do About It?

The question then becomes, well, what do you do about that?

Breaking down disappointment and the lack of affirmation can be helpful.

Disappointment and delight usually consist of the gap between what you thought would happen and what actually happened. If whatever you’re doing ends up being less than you imagined, you’re disappointed. If it turns out better, you’re delighted.

These days, almost everything seems to be turning out slightly worse than you had hoped.

This takes us back to the old adage: the secret to happiness is low expectations.

We may be in for a season where it’s going to be a challenge. Knowing that, and realizing you’re here to serve people who have not got a lot of joy happening in their lives right now can help you calibrate your expectations appropriately.

A second strategy is to seek affirmation elsewhere.

This can happen in a variety of ways. One obvious starting point is in your relationship with God. As a person of faith, there are days where that might be the only affirmation you receive all day.

But on many days, you can also find joy and affirmation from other sources: from your family, from a life-giving friend, from a walk in the woods, a good cup of coffee, or from a hobby that gives you a deep sense of satisfaction.

It’s essential that you do this and not feel guilty. To find life-giving sources, habits, and rhythms is basic self-care.

Leaders who don’t practice self-care will soon find themselves either burned out or heading down the path of self-indulgence. Both will sabotage your leadership in the end.

Leaders who don’t practice self-care will soon find themselves either burned out or heading down the path of self-indulgence.

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2. Be What You Hope To See

Almost every leader I know has been disappointed not just by random critics or uninvested people going off unhinged. They’ve also been hurt or disappointed by at least one long term friend, associate or colleague who’s turned on them over the last year.

That just further illustrates how hard a season it’s been for everyone.

So what do you? How do you respond?

The line I’ve tried to follow, sometimes successfully and sometimes not, is to be what I hope to see.

In other words, if you hope to see people behaving reasonably, be reasonable.

Leaders, be what you hope to see. For example, if you want people to behave reasonably, be reasonable.

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If you’re hoping for kindness, compassion and grace, embody that.

Don’t return sarcastic, snide or angry comments with sarcastic, snide or angry responses.

It can be hard. I scroll through the comments on this site or on my social media feed every day. Most are super encouraging. But there are also more than a few that are corrosive, angry or downright toxic.

My first instinct is to want to retaliate…to get back at the commenter. I’ve had some incredibly snide replies composed in my head…and that’s exactly where they need to stay. In my head.

There are also times I’ve tried to win over irate people online. I find I can’t. I can usually diffuse a situation in real life. On the internet? Almost a 0% success rate. So I no longer try.

I’ve also tried to discuss things online with people who have extreme and public views on subjects. Trying to change their minds is like trying to move a 10 ton block of steel with your baby finger. Not only does the steel not budge, you now have a broken finger.

The best way to react to angry, extreme views is to be what you hope to see.

I hope to see reasonable people who respect and love each other, and who can disagree with each other without being disagreeable. So I try to be that.

I think there’s a huge opening in our culture right now for moderate, compassionate, reasonable people. That’s what I hope to be.

What do you hope to see? Be that.

3. Don’t Get Sucked into the Wormhole

What are you trying to accomplish with your leadership?

For me these days in my writing and speaking, I’m trying to help leaders live in a way today that will help them thrive tomorrow.

For decades as a church leader, I spent my time trying to lead people into a growing relationship with Jesus (even though that’s not my “day job” anymore, I’m still committed to that in my personal life).

Whatever you’re trying to accomplish with your leadership, stick to that.

Don’t get sucked into the wormhole that has become public discourse these days.

You don’t need to be a cultural commentator on everything from politics to pro sports to vaccines to state regulations to immigration to Supreme Court decisions to celebrity splits.

And guess what? You’re probably not an expert on any of those things. Neither am I.

Yet you look at a lot of pastor’s social media feeds today, and commenting on anything and everything appears to be their new job.

It probably comes from a good place. After all, you lead in a world where people feel like they got their doctorate in a particular niche subject on YouTube and perfectly understand a topic like no one else does.

But here’s the truth: you’re not going to win that argument. And you don’t need to be in that argument in the first place.

I’ve seen so many leaders peddle away their influence by weighing in on every topic du jour and miss the main point of their ministry and leadership.

So what are you trying to do again?

Stick to that.

And while you’re doing that, focus on the things that unite people, not on the things that divide people.

Focusing on division brings greater division. Focusing on unity brings greater unity.

Right now, in a culture fraught with division, people are longing for unity. So be unifying.

Focusing on division brings greater division. Focusing on unity brings greater unity.

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4. Ban The Trolls (And Tune the Rest Out)

There’s a lot of talk about free speech these days and our right to express ourselves. And I’m all for free speech.

But does that mean everyone gets to say whatever they want however they want wherever they want?

I’m going to suggest the answer to that is no.

Let’s focus on wherever for a minute—as in inside the church or organization you lead.

You definitely need people with diverse views and opinions on your team and in your tribe, but that doesn’t mean there are no limits.

Why?

Simple. The trolls inside your church will kill your culture and can ultimately kill your mission.

The sad truth is, some would love to do just that. They don’t care about you, other people, or your mission nearly as much as they care about themselves and whatever idea or venom they’re peddling in the moment.

The trolls inside your church will kill your culture and can ultimately kill your mission.

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Organizationally, this isn’t nearly as much about free speech, as it is about creating a healthy culture and and cultivating community.

To get a clearer perspective on it, imagine that conversation you’re trying to moderate online or in your church was happening instead at a dinner party in your home.

In the same way you wouldn’t tolerate a dinner guest who punches you in the face, breaks your dishes and insults your spouse and kids, you don’t need to let trolls and haters live in your digital or physical space.

No, if that happened at a dinner party, you’d either insist they leave or call the police, or both. And you’d be justified in doing that.

Trolls and haters intend to divide. They intend to wound and destroy. That’s their game. And I’m going to guess that destruction isn’t the game you’re playing (if it is, then welcome the trolls).

The proper response to someone who intends to destroy you is to stop them from doing so.

And as far as free speech goes, you’re not silencing them forever. Trust me. They’ll find someone else to pick on. You’re just saying it can’t happen in your space.

That’s leadership. And that’s setting a healthy boundary not just for you, but for everyone you lead.

The healthy people will thank you.

In the same way you wouldn’t tolerate a dinner guest who punches you in the face, breaks your dishes and insults your spouse and kids, you don’t need to let trolls and haters live on your digital or physical space.

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So What Specifically Do You Do With Trolls and Haters?

To break it down a little further, here’s what I do with trolls and haters. I started by assuming the best. Everyone has an off day, and sometimes the message I hear is not the message they sent.

Assuming the best means sometimes I ignore the comment or, alternatively, reply with a kinder, more generous response. That never changes a troll by the way.

Then my team and I start looking for patterns. If someone has an abusive pattern and shows no openness to changing, caring about others or even engaging in real dialogue, the proper response is to delete or block.

That’s true online and in real life. In real life on a handful of occasions, I’ve stopped toxic people from serving or joining a group at times because the impact would be so devastating on the people around them.

Remember, too, that we’re talking about less than 1% of the people in your church or maybe 1% of the people on your public channels. But that noisy, angry 1% can take down the 99% who are trying to have real community and real conversation.

It’s perfectly fair to put limits on unhealthy behaviour for the sake of the health of the organization. If you want more, here’s a post outlining 7 pro tips on dealing with toxic people.

What does this leave you with?

A healthier you and a healthier church ready to reach healthier people.

And the trolls and haters, they can find another sandbox to play in.

Which leads to the final point: when you find trolls play in other sandboxes, tune them out.

Consumer some thoughtful, helpful, stimulating content instead, rather than the drivel that makes up too much of life in the moment.

You’ll be so much better off for it. Plus you’ll sleep at night while you work toward a better tomorrow with the people you lead.

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Is Your Church Ready For Future Evangelism? Take The Free Church Outreach Assessment To Find Out.

Almost every church leader wants to grow their church by reaching more people.

As culture continues to change rapidly into a post-Christian era, though, itu2019s left many leaders feeling like theyu2019re not accomplishing their mission. For too many churches, things arenu2019t going as hoped.

After you complete the assessment, youu2019ll receive a detailed breakdown of your results and get access to a free teaching series that will help you take practical steps forward in each of the five areas.

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Donu2019t be discouraged. You can still reach people.

Take the Church Outreach Assessment now!”,”container_class”:””,”element_class”:””,”wrap_styles_border”:0,”wrap_styles_width”:””,”wrap_styles_margin”:””,”wrap_styles_padding”:””,”wrap_styles_float”:””,”wrap_styles_show_advanced_css”:0,”label_styles_border”:””,”label_styles_width”:””,”label_styles_font-size”:””,”label_styles_margin”:””,”label_styles_padding”:””,”label_styles_float”:””,”label_styles_show_advanced_css”:0,”element_styles_border”:””,”element_styles_width”:””,”element_styles_font-size”:””,”element_styles_margin”:””,”element_styles_padding”:””,”element_styles_float”:””,”element_styles_show_advanced_css”:0,”cellcid”:”c8551″,”key”:”the_pivot_ready_cheat_sheet_1602862985838″,”drawerDisabled”:false,”wrap_styles_background-color”:””,”wrap_styles_border-style”:””,”wrap_styles_border-color”:””,”wrap_styles_display”:”block”,”field_label”:””,”field_key”:”the_pivot_ready_cheat_sheet_1602862985838″,”id”:1023,”beforeField”:””,”afterField”:””,”value”:”

Is Your Church Ready For Future Evangelism? Take The Free Church Outreach Assessment To Find Out.

Almost every church leader wants to grow their church by reaching more people.

When youu2019re done, youu2019ll be far more equipped to accomplish your mission.

Donu2019t be discouraged. You can still reach people.

Take the Church Outreach Assessment now!”,”label_pos”:”above”,”parentType”:”html”,”element_templates”:[“html”,”input”],”old_classname”:””,”wrap_template”:”wrap”}];nfForms.push(form);

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How Do You Pastor a Mob?

Those are just a few things that have helped me navigate the rough waters of our culture these days.

What’s helping you cope? What’s helping you set healthy boundaries?

How do you pastor a mob and still advance the mission?

Scroll down and leave a comment.

The post How to Pastor a Mob appeared first on CareyNieuwhof.com.

Source: How to Pastor a Mob

The post How to Pastor a Mob appeared first on Passion for Planting.

The Coming Church Split (It’s Not What You Think)

Sean Cronin — Sun, 16 May 2021 09:00:00 +0000

Is there a split in the future church ahead?

Unfortunately, I think the answer is yes.

It’s not your typical (and usually awful) church split about doctrine, polity, personality or the color of the carpet. It’s bigger than that, and for the most part, you won’t even realize it’s happening until you look back a few years from now and see what took place.

If you look a little more carefully right now, you can see that as the post-pandemic world takes shape, there’s an emerging divide between churches that are well-positioned for the future and churches that aren’t.

Essentially, the split is between churches that will be effective in accomplishing their mission and churches that won’t be.

We’ve seen a similar split over the last five decades between churches that drifted from historic Christianity orthodoxy and churches that didn’t. Between churches that embraced change and churches that didn’t. And we saw it in churches that understood the culture and those who were oblivious to it. And pre-pandemic, that split left approximately 15% of churches growing and 85% of churches plateaued or declining.

The coming split is a split between the kinds of churches that will thrive in the future and the kinds of churches that won’t.

The criteria between effective and ineffective churches continue to morph and accelerate as the world re-opens in at least four key areas.

The question, of course, which best describes your church?

Here are four emerging divides that are developing before our eyes.

1. Online-Optional Versus Fully Hybrid

The disruption of 2020 and beyond catapulted every church into the digital age whether its leaders were ready or not.

The pivot to online ministry is not just a technological change, it’s also a philosophical one (or theological perhaps…although for these reasons I’m not sure it’s truly theological).

As the post-pandemic world becomes a greater reality for a growing number of leaders (I understand the pandemic still raging in many areas), many leaders are showing their true hand.

For a lot of pastors, online church lies somewhere between a necessary evil, an unfortunate necessity, or a service they offer that’s an option for people who can’t get there for the “real thing.”

In all likelihood, those church leaders are going to have a difficult future ahead of them.

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There’s a smaller group of pastors and leaders, though, who are fully embracing a hybrid church model: deciding to become 100% physical and 100% digital.

They see digital not as an ‘accommodation’, but as both real ministry and an abundant opportunity.

Forward-thinking pastors realize that the best answer to the question “Should ministry be digital or physical?” is “Yes”.

Forward-thinking pastors realize that the best answer to the question ‘Should ministry be digital or physical?’ is ‘Yes’.

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Almost everyone these days lives in the seamless slipstream of digital/physical lives. You order your groceries on your phone and then walk into a coffee shop in person to pick up a cortado.

Similarly, you text your best friend, only to put down your phone and chat with your son in real life in the kitchen who shows you a YouTube video he finds hilarious.

This is life. I’m guessing it’s also your life because, well, you’re reading this online.

If you live a fully hybrid life, and the people you’re trying to reach live hybrid lives, why wouldn’t your church fully embrace a hybrid ministry that seamlessly slips between physical and digital presence?

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2. Bringing People Back Versus Moving People Forward

As the new world opens up, many church leaders seem hyper-focused on getting people back to church.

On the one hand, I get it. It’s been a long, exhausting season. And we all long for normal. I do too.

But bringing people back isn’t a vision. Moving people forward is a vision.

It’s hard to move people forward if you’re obsessed with getting them back.

Bringing people back isn’t a vision. Moving people forward is a vision.

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Increasingly, one of the splits that will happen is between church leaders who are focused on recreating, reviving and restoring older approaches to ministry.

Signs this might be happening include thinking

If we could just get a few more people to come back, everything would be okay.
I wish we could just see the room full again.
We really need to get back to where we were in 2019, and then we can move ahead.

Pastors who focus on moving people forward instead of bringing people back will have a much better future.

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3. Churches That Embrace Versus Churches That Judge

Switching gears a little, another emerging line centers on the attitudes church leaders have toward the community they’re trying to reach.

So let’s start here: Judged anyone lately?

Sadly, the answer for most of us (including me) is… yes.

From the guy who cut you off in traffic, to the off-beat person who’s not picking up the social cues you’re sending, to your weed-smoking neighbor… it’s so easy to judge as the culture becomes more and more post-Christian.

And judgment just gets worse from there. It’s the basis of racism, sexism and almost every other ‘ism’ you can think of.

Churches that embrace the people they’re trying to reach will have a much better future than churches that judge them.

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Judgment is also fundamentally incompatible with authentic Christian faith.

Jesus said Christians should be known for how deeply we love. Yet for years now, studies have shown that in the eyes of many non-Christians, we’re known for how deeply we judge, not for how deeply we love.

The problem in many cases is not that unchurched people don’t know any Christians. The problem is that they do. And they don’t like us—for good reason.

A Barna study revealed that 62% of lapsed Christians said the #1 quality they look for in a person with whom to discuss faith is ‘non-judgment.’

Only 34% said they know any Christians who possess this quality.

A recent Barna study revealed that 62% of lapsed Christians said the #1 quality they look for in a person with whom to discuss faith is ‘non-judgment.’ Only 34% said they know any Christians who possess this quality.

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Sigh.

In the evangelical church today (and, yes, despite the reputation, I consider myself an evangelical), the hard edge of ‘truth’ has crushed many. And one of the most frequent expressions of loveless truth is found in judgment.

The presence of judgment almost always guarantees an absence of love.

I try to remember this rule: If I’m judging someone, I’m not loving them. You can’t judge someone and love them at the same time.

Pastors who love the people they’re trying to reach have a much better chance of reaching them than pastors who judge them.

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4. Ideologically Driven Versus Gospel-Driven

A final gap is widening between churches that appear to be driven as much by ideology as by the Gospel.

Particularly since the crisis hit in 2020, a growing number of church leaders have used their influence to weigh in on everything from politics, to partisanship, to masks v. no masks, vaccines, supreme court nominees, to tax policies, to immigration.

Tim Keller recently weighed in on his surprise over how partisan, political and ideological the church has grown in the last year (you can listen to my conversation with Tim here or watch on YouTube). Rick Warren expressed similar concerns and surprise (my conversation with Rick is here in audio form, and you can watch here).

This is actually quite predictable for a culture that’s rapidly moving from Christian to post-Christian. It’s tempting to want to hang onto power, to blame the culture for changing, or to see politics as your salvation.

Leaders feel overwhelmed, and it’s easy to try to ‘conserve’ the little that’s left and rail against the new attitudes that are emerging.

Here’s my sense: the effective pastors in the future will weigh in from time to time on critical social issues that the scripture engages (racial justice, poverty, moral values, etc—all of which were transformed by Jesus and the early church and created a more equal world).

Both Jesus and the first-century church were paradoxically apolitical while being deeply subversive. They were apolitical in the sense that they were deeply nonpartisan (Herod was a tyrant, but Jesus wasn’t part of a group interested in removing him, and his Zealot followers soon found another agenda), yet subversive in that that they turned the world upside down through an ethic of truth and love that made existing politics pale by comparison.

Scroll through any social media feed today and you’ll see some pastors commenting on everything from which party to vote for, to tax policy, to Supreme Court nominees, and more.

In the long term, that’s probably eroding their influence with the unchurched (50% of whom by definition won’t agree with them), even if it shores them up temporarily among some of their tribe who thank them for ‘speaking the truth.’

And while local church leaders do need to engage the dialogue between masks or no masks, how we treat the vaccinated and unvaccinated, and safety protocols, there’s a difference between creating a safe space for people to gather and tilting the dialogue to an ideological rant against everything that’s wrong with whoever you don’t like at the moment.

There are two groups losing badly when things turn partisan and ideological:

the next generation

and, ultimately, the congregation itself.

The culture needs an alternative to itself, not an echo of itself.

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Most people (including you, I suspect) are exhausted by the division, tribalization, and anger that characterizes culture today.

It’s pretty clear that the culture is tired of itself too, but it doesn’t quite know how to escape.

That’s the perfect opportunity for the church to simply be the church.

An exhausted culture needs an alternative to itself, not an echo of itself.

Authentic, grace-filled, hope-bearing, truthful people are what our friends and neighbors need.

A generation tired of hate, yet caught in its grip, will only be released from it if there’s a clear alternative.

Imagine, if in the next few years in your church:

Love surged.

Hope got fueled.

You could disagree but not be disagreeable.

You focused on what united people, not on what divided people.

In a divided culture, Christians should be the help and the hope, not the hate.

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Is Your Church Ready For Future Evangelism? Take The Free Church Outreach Assessment To Find Out.

Almost every church leader wants to grow their church by reaching more people.

When youu2019re done, youu2019ll be far more equipped to accomplish your mission.

Donu2019t be discouraged. You can still reach people.

Is Your Church Ready For Future Evangelism? Take The Free Church Outreach Assessment To Find Out.

Almost every church leader wants to grow their church by reaching more people.

When youu2019re done, youu2019ll be far more equipped to accomplish your mission.

Donu2019t be discouraged. You can still reach people.

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What Are You Seeing?

So where does this land?

In my view, churches that effectively reach unchurched people in the future will likely be those that:

Fully embrace hybrid ministry—digital and in-person forms of ministry.
Focus on moving people forward, not getting them ‘back’.
Embrace the people they’re trying to reach rather than judge them.
Be Gospel-driven rather than ideologically driven or partisan.

Do you see a dividing line emerging between the qualities of churches that will thrive and those that won’t?

Scroll down and leave a (respectful) comment. As always, angry rants and abusive comments will be deleted. As always, we’re trying to make space here for good people on a common mission who may not see things the same way. So be kind.

What are you seeing?

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Source: The Coming Church Split (It’s Not What You Think)

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