by Carey Nieuwhof: Few people have impacted Carey’s personal journey as much as Terry Wardle. That’s why it’s such a thrill to bring podcast listeners this interview.

Terry talks about why so many leaders cave under the pressure of leadership, what’s underneath the moral failure so many leaders experienced, and how to grieve the losses that come your way in leadership and ministry.

Welcome to Episode 309 of the podcast. Listen and access the show notes below or search for the Carey Nieuwhof Leadership Podcast on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts and listen for free.

Guest Links

Facebook | Website | Healing Care | Some Kind of Crazy

Episode Links

Financial Peace University

Financial Peace University has helped nearly 6 MILLION PEOPLE take control of their money, pay off debt and build wealth. And they’re looking for leaders, like you, to help lead a class.

You don’t have to be a financial expert or debt-free. You don’t even have to take the class before leading it. In fact, 40% of group leaders lead a class while taking it for the first time. Plus, a dedicated advisor will walk with you through every step of leading a class.

AND they’ll give you everything you need—for FREE.

Simply text GIVEHOPE to 33789.

RightNow Media

Looking for ways to develop and equip leaders around you? Our partner, RightNow Media has created the world’s largest library of video-driven Bible studies, leadership training, and personal care resources. They have content from some of my former guests like Patrick Lencioni, Henry Cloud, Ann Voskamp, Francis Chan, J.D. Greear, and they cover topics like marriage, personal finance, mental health, and so much more. More than 20,000 churches, schools, and businesses already subscribe to RightNow Media’s streaming platform.

They’re offering podcast listeners a free trial when you visit
RightNowMedia.org/Carey.

Conversation Links

A Failure of Nerve by Edwin H. Friedman

Some Kind of Crazy by Terry Wardle

Hillbilly Elegy by J. D. Vance

Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott

The End of Memory by Miroslav Volf

Jesus and the Disinherited by Howard Thurman

Slingstones Podcast by Terry Wardle

Healing Care Mandate International

The High Impact Leader

3 Insights from Terry

1. Dysfunctional behavior is usually the symptom of a deeper problem

Terry is convinced that aberrant behavior is driven by deep wounds and false beliefs and ungrieved loss. When he looks back on his life, his depression, workaholism, and agoraphobia was never the problem, it was the symptom of a deeper problem of ungrieved losses from his past.

Eventually, Terry was able to work through the deeper issues of his past, and has since begun leading others through a similar healing journey. He works with people who have addictions, anger issues, deep depression, and many other struggles so that they can begin to attack the real wounds that are impacting them.

2. Ministry is a series of ungrieved losses

“Every loss in life demands an appropriate season of grieving, whether you’ve lost your favorite person or your favorite end.” Now, when Terry walks into a room of pastors, he can feel the ungrieved loss in that room. This breaks his heart and causes him to want to help more people.

When Terry first taught this in a seminar, someone grabbed him and said, “Say that quote again. Just say it again.” And he did. When he repeated the statement, the person started to cry because they realized when you experience a loss and just move on, rationalize it, or get onto the business of work, you cheat the grieving process.

3. It takes an emotional laden positive experience to overcome an emotional laden negative experience

Through his time of personal healing and counseling other leaders, Terry has learned that knowing scripture isn’t enough to get over the deep wounds and fears of our past. Terry has learned that it takes an emotional laden positive experience to overcome an emotional laden negative experience.

Just knowing the scripture, “Perfect love casts out fear,” does not cast out fear. It takes a very real experience with perfect love himself to cast out fear. This is what Terry encourages people to seek.

Quotes from Episode 309

Many people and leaders are not stable in their identity, and as a result, they use performance and achievement as a way of advancing themselves. – Terry WardleClick To Tweet

Workaholism in ministry is not a matter of theology, it’s a matter of pathology. And until we deal with that pathology, we’re not going to be the men and women that we are supposed to be. – Terry WardleClick To Tweet

There’s nothing that beats a person down more than trying to measure up. – Terry WardleClick To Tweet

While my gifting and anointing were such that there was advancement in my ministry, I was actually just crushed inside by not dealing with the brokenness of my past. – Terry WardleClick To Tweet

When you are basing your ministry on performance, your last performance isn’t good enough. It has to be the next performance. – Terry WardleClick To Tweet

People want to kill the pain of loss. – Terry WardleClick To Tweet

I am convinced that aberrant behavior is driven by deep wounds and false beliefs and ungrieved loss. – Terry WardleClick To Tweet

Loss is meant to be grieved. And when we fail to grieve losses, that loss internalizes. – Terry WardleClick To Tweet

If you have the fruit of dysfunction, you have the root of wounding. – Terry WardleClick To Tweet

Grieving loss begins with finding a safe environment with people that are non condemning, empathic, who are confidential and who finally give you the permission to say what’s inside and say it like it is. – Terry WardleClick To Tweet

Every wound in life, every loss in life, every false belief, needs confronted in the presence of Christ so we can be freed from those. – Terry WardleClick To Tweet

When Jesus was at his worst, God didn’t give him a scripture. He gave him an experience of his presence. – Terry WardleClick To Tweet

Change doesn’t happen because someone told you you need to change, change happens when you’re desperate enough to say, I must change. – Terry WardleClick To Tweet

I think many of us try to forgive before we grieve. – Terry WardleClick To Tweet

You got to grieve the losses that have come your way. And then if there’s someone to forgive after you’ve grieved it, you’ll have the strength to go ahead and forgive. – Terry WardleClick To Tweet

You’ll know when forgiveness is complete when the issue no longer comes to mind. – Miroslav VolfClick To Tweet

Read or Download the Transcript for Episode 309

Looking for a key quote? More of a reader?

Read or download a free PDF transcript of this episode here.

Watch Back Episodes of The Podcast on YouTube

Select episodes of this podcast are now on YouTube. Our new YouTube Channel gives you a chance to watch some episodes, not just listen. We’ll add select episodes to YouTube as time goes on.

Didn’t See It Coming Will Help You Solve the Problems Most Leaders Miss

If you want practical help overcoming some of the biggest challenges leaders face, my book Didn’t See It Coming: Overcoming the 7 Greatest Challenges That Nobody Expects and Everyone Experiences tackles the seven core issues that take people out: cynicism, compromise, disconnectedness, irrelevance, pride, burnout, and the emptiness of success and provides strategies on how to combat each.

I wrote the book because no 18 year old sets out to be cynical, jaded and disconnected by age 35. Yet it happens all the time.

The good news is, it doesn’t have to be that way.

Here’s what top leaders are saying about Didn’t See It Coming:

“Seriously, this may be the most important book you read this year.” Jud Wilhite, Lead Pastor, Central Church

“Powerful, personal, and highly readable. ” Brian Houston, Global Senior Pastor, Hillsong

“Whatever challenge you’re facing, whatever obstacle you’re hoping to overcome, whatever future you dream or imagine, there is something powerful for you here.” Andy Stanley, Founder, North Point Ministries

“Uncommonly perceptive and generous…You have to read this book.” Ann Voskamp, NYT bestselling author

“Masterful.” Reggie Joiner, CEO Orange

“Deep biblical insight, straightforward truth, and practical wisdom to help you grow.” Craig Groeschel, Pastor and NYT bestselling author

“This book is sure to help you.” Daniel H. Pink, NYT bestselling author

Over the years, one of the things I’ve enjoyed most about being a public speaker is having opportunities to hang out with Carey…It’s not a matter of if you’ll run into these challenges; it’s a matter of when. Be prepared by spending a little time with a leader who has already been there.” Jon Acuff, NYT best-selling author

“Nieuwhof’s book provides expert guidance…with an accuracy that pierces the heart.” Nancy Duarte, CEO Duarte Inc.

“A refreshingly transparent guide for all leaders in a wide variety of industries.” Bryan Miles, Co-Founder and CEO, BELAY

You can learn more and get your copy of Didn’t See It Coming here.

Subscribed Yet? 

Subscribe for free and never miss out on wisdom from world-class leaders like Brian Houston, Andy Stanley, Craig Groeschel, Nancy Duarte, Henry Cloud, Patrick Lencioni, Francis Chan, Ann Voskamp, Erwin McManus and many others.

Subscribe using your favorite podcast app via

Apple Podcasts

Spotify

Google Play

Stitcher

TuneIn

Spread the Word. Leave a Rating and Review

Hopefully, this episode has helped you lead like never before. That’s my goal. If you appreciated it, could you share the love?

The best way to do that is to rate the podcast on Apple Podcasts and leave us a brief review! You can do the same on Stitcher and on TuneIn as well.

Your ratings and reviews help us place the podcast in front of new leaders and listeners. Your feedback also lets me know how I can better serve you.

Thank you for being so awesome.

Next Episode: Jasmine Star

Jasmine Star dropped out of law school, didn’t even own a camera, and within 4 years was one of top photographers in the world. These days as a strategist, entrepreneur and social media influencer, Jasmine talks about how to find and connect with your dream customer or audience, how focusing on who you want to reach drives growth, and how to protect your online message against the algorithm changes that happen all the time.

Subscribe for free now and you won’t miss Episode 310.

The post CNLP 309: Terry Wardle on Why So Many Leaders Cave Under the Pressures of Leadership, Why Leaders Implode Morally, and How to Grieve Your Leadership Losses appeared first on CareyNieuwhof.com.

Source: CNLP 309: Terry Wardle on Why So Many Leaders Cave Under the Pressures of Leadership, Why Leaders Implode Morally, and How to Grieve Your Leadership Losses

The post CNLP 309: Terry Wardle on Why So Many Leaders Cave Under the Pressures of Leadership, Why Leaders Implode Morally, and How to Grieve Your Leadership Losses appeared first on Passion for Planting.