By Carey Nieuwhof: So you want to quit.

I get it.

This has been an excruciating crisis to live through and lead through.

While 25% of all workers want to quit their jobs right now, it appears  it may be even worst for church leaders. Apparently, the majority of pastors are at least thinking about it.

In this widely-shared article, Thom Rainer explains that the vast majority of pastors he and his team work with want to quit. The pandemic, division, workload, in-fighting, levels of criticism and loss of momentum in most churches is too discouraging for most pastors. Thom is right…there has never been a more discouraging season to be a leader.

I recently had a conversation with a top search firm CEO who predicted that next year will be a year of massive turnover in part, because the crisis has made people rethink their options.

I’m writing this post not to convince you to stay where you are, but to think twice before you quit.

Nobody has to stay anywhere forever.

There are good reasons to leave what you’re doing. Over my life, I’ve left fledgling careers in radio and law, exited a  denomination and most recently made another change.

After 25 years of ministry, yesterday I preached my final sermon as part of the teaching team at the church I founded, wrapping up a 5 year succession plan that completes a 25 year ministry.

But there are also bad reasons to leave.

So today, let me be your (free) counsellor/friend. Talk you off the ledge. I’ve needed that conversation more than a few times in my decades of leadership so I could finish instead of quitting.

I’ve been discouraged, defeated, exhausted and pretty much done more than once. But I never left in those seasons.

Looking back, I’m so grateful I didn’t.

So what do you want to do when you want to throw in the towel?

Here are a few things I learned about quitting for the wrong reasons, and a few things about leaving for the right ones.

1. Quitting is Different than Finishing

Quitting is easy. Finishing is hard.

Both quitting and finishing result in the same outcome: you leave. Nobody, after all, stays forever.

But quitting usually involves surrendering to the pain or letting the circumstances control your exit.

By contrast, finishing usually involves pushing through the pain to a moment or season where the circumstances move both you and the mission forward as best you can.

Leaders who quit usually surrender to impulse or unresolved pain. Leaders who finish well don’t.

As a result, leaders who finish well leave far different legacy than leaders who quit.

Quitting is easy. Finishing is hard. Leaders who finish well leave far different legacy than leaders who quit.

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2. Your Exit Becomes Your Legacy

On that note, your exit determines the legacy you leave behind, both for the organization and for you personally.

People rarely remember how you started in an organization. They always remember how you left.

People rarely remember how you started in an organization. They always remember how you left.

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You can erase years of great leadership in moments with a poor exit. Quitting because you’re frustrated, discouraged, defeated or exhausted rarely creates a great departure.

The way you leave becomes your legacy.

Years or decades of sincere, hard, good work can get reduced to a sentence like “Yeah, he just packed up and left town”, “He got so bitter at the end”, “She burned every bridge” or “His last year left us all scrambling”.

Ouch.

People rarely remember how you began in an organization, but they always remember how you left. The way you leave becomes your legacy.

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3. Your Problems Follow You

You’ve probably heard the marriage advice (or given it) that all your unresolved issues follow you into your next relationship.

The same is true of leadership.

Relationally, starting over with someone new usually sounds way more promising than it is. Why? Well, you have a pretty realistic (pessimistic) view of the person you’re with which you’re apparently ready to trade in for an idealistic view of the person you want to be with.

And, you bring you with you wherever you go.

Whatever you don’t resolve now, you’ll have to resolve in the future.

The same is true in leadership. You have a very realistic view of how hard your current situation is.

But you imagine your new situation with an idealistic view point. They’ll appreciate them. They’ll do what I ask them to do. Their team won’t fight. And they’ll appreciate me.

That, of course, is also what you thought the last time.

Here’s what I’ve learned: your unresolved issues follow you wherever you go.

We went through a really painful season of leadership about 15 years ago. I wasn’t tempted to leave the church, but we were selling our house around the same time.

I was really tempted to leave the community I was living in and move to a different city nearby. We could start over again, I told myself.

But as my wife and I prayed about it, I became convicted we need to stay. We move ten minutes down the road.

Which meant we’d travel the same roads, shop in the same stories, get groceries at the same supermarket, and run into the same people we had struggled with.

It was exactly the right medicine. That forced me to look at my own failings, to see where I was wrong, and to practice forgiveness.

Escape is poor substitute for personal growth, forgiveness and change.

The challenge with quitting is that your issues and problems come with you. They didn’t quit, you did.

The challenge with quitting is that your issues and problems come with you. They didn’t quit, you did.

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4. Running toward your future is better than running away from your past

So maybe you are called to leave (here are 7 signs it’s time to move on). Maybe your season is legitimately coming to an end.

If you can—and in a carefully discerned departure you usually have time to do this before you go— ask yourself what you’re called to next.

In my current situation, in addition to a sense that the current season was drawing to a close, that a well-executed succession plan was important for all, there was also a budding sense that a new calling or assignment was being birthed: to help leaders thrive.

One of the reasons transitions are so painful (particularly as you get older as a leader) is because all your best days feel like they’re behind you.

Find some wise counsel around you who can help you discern what’s next before you leave what’s now.

Running toward your future is a much better move than running away from your past.

Running toward your future is a much better move than running away from your past.

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5. A Bad Season Is the Worst Time To Make A Big Decisions

So just to frame this season in context, this really is a bad moment. And it’s impacting leaders deeply.

A recent Barna survey has led Barna President David Kinnaman to conclude that the mental health of pastors has reached crisis levels.

Just look at the chart below.

In 2016, only 14% of pastors said they’re mental and emotional health was average to poor.

By April 2020, that number more than doubled, growing to 35%.

In August 2020, fully 50% of pastors now say their mental and emotional health was average to poor.

I wonder where that number will move to as the crisis continues to spiral out of control.

I know when I’m in a discouraging, difficult and depressing season, one of the first things to go is my judgment.

When I’m not in a good place mentally or spiritually, I make emotional decisions and try to back fill them with logic. Or maybe I don’t even bother trying to be logical. I just make (bad) decisions.

As a result, I’ve realized that a bad season is the worst time to make a big decision. This is true for anything from quitting your job, to leaving your spouse to (honestly) even making big financial decisions.

Never quit on a bad day.

Sure, maybe you are called to move on.

Give the decision room to breathe. Pray. Bring in wise counsel. Consult. Hire a coach. Read. Reflect. Think.

Get healthy, and if you can’t do that right now (because it will be a long journey), at least get healthy people around you to make some recommendations.

If you can, make your decision to finish up on a good day.

If it’s a bad day, stick it out or let other people make the decision with your, or if it’s really bad, have them make the decision for you.

This isn’t a good season for most leaders.

Never quit on a bad day. A bad season is the worst time to make a big decision

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What Helps You?

I hope this helps you work through whatever you’re going through.

Hang in there my friend. Whatever you’re call to do, I’m hoping you make the decision on a good day with the right people around you.

And me and my team are cheering you on.

What do you find to be helpful when you want to quit?

What are some things you know you should definitely NOT do?

Love to hear from you in the comments.

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Source: So You Want to Quit…

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by Carey Nieuwhof: Dear Discouraged  Leader,

Being a leader isn’t the easiest thing in the world. But it isn’t the hardest thing in the world either.

You’re not alone. Leadership is hard at times. In fact, if you’re really leading, there’s rarely a season that isn’t filled with challenges.

Just as you solve one problem, two more pop up. You solve them, and out of the corner of your eye, spot the next one.

I get it.

After seeing leader after leader struggle with discouragement and want to quit long before their calling ran out, I wanted to write this note (HT to Casey Graham).

None of us really feel like the most successful person on earth. I don’t. You don’t.

And even though things are going well at the moment and I have so much to be thankful for, I spend too many days wondering whether I’m missing something or feeling like we should be making more progress than we should.

You know what it’s like… The weight of:

Budget and expenses
People who promise the moon but never even deliver the earth
New people who say they’re in and then walk out
Your leadership feeling like it’s always under a microscope
Not being where you thought you would be at this point in your leadership or life
Uncertainty. Constant uncertainty.
Team members you’re struggling with and just don’t know how to deal with
Knowing your organization isn’t perfect and wishing it would be but knowing it won’t ever be
Lack of gratitude; in others and in you
Feeling let down by others
You letting yourself down
Seeing other people’s organizations & speaking & believing they have it easier than you do

And on and on and on it goes…

This is the side of leadership they never teach you in college.

So I want you to know something.  The discouragement you feel inside is real & coming from somewhere. Think about this and let this sink in for a while today:

The happiest and healthiest people are those whose expectations meet reality.

What do you do with that?

Here are five questions every discouraged leader would do well to ask themselves before they give up or give in.

The happiest & healthiest people are those whose expectations meet reality.Click To Tweet

1. What Do I Expect My Organization to Give Me?

No organization will ever give you ultimate peace, fulfillment, joy, purpose, or anything like that. Not even a church.  If you are expecting that from being a leader, you won’t find it.

If you are constantly discouraged or frustrated about your organization, it might be because you are hoping it will give you something only God can give you.

And when you look to people or things to give you what only God can give you, you’re signing up for misery.

When you look to people or things to give you what only God can give you, you’re signing up for misery.Click To Tweet

2. Who Do I Hope Will Affirm Me?

This is a big one.

We all look for affirmation from people.

Here’s something someone told me a long time ago that I really don’t like because it’s really so true: Never expect the people you lead to affirm you. 

It’s not fair to them. And ultimately it’s not fair to you.

Your job is to lead them, not to get them to try to affirm you.

Hey, if it comes…awesome. Consider that a bonus. But if you keep looking to them for their praise, you’ll end up sliding down the slippery slope under question 3….

Never expect the people you lead to affirm you. (Your job is to lead them, not to get them to try to affirm you.) Click To Tweet

3. Who Am I Trying to Please?

You will never please your employees or the people you serve fully.  It’s impossible because we are imperfect people & they are as well.

If you are trying to please other church leader or get recognized, you will be miserable.  You can never keep up with anyone else’s expectations. And you’ll let yourself, your family and ultimately God down.

If you focused on being liked, you won’t lead. You’re insistence on pleasing everyone will mean you ultimately please no one.

Not to mention yourself.

If you focused on being liked, you won’t lead. You’re insistence on pleasing everyone will mean you ultimately please no one.Click To Tweet

4. How Honest Am I Being With Myself and Others?

If you stuff your leadership failures & missed expectations instead of dealing with them, you will implode or explode one day.  Your discouragement & mine often comes from stuffing things we should just admit and deal with.

If you have a problem with another person, be completely honest with them.  If you are mad at somebody, tell them.

If somebody let you down, let them now.  If you have let yourself down, tell a friend.

Lying and pretending leads to misery.  Just say it. I have done this numerous times and it’s terrible up front but so freeing in the end. And you know what?

Much of the time you end up saving the relationship.

If you won’t be honest with others, you also won’t be able to truly lead them.

If you won’t be honest with others, you also won’t be able to truly lead them.Click To Tweet

5. What Lie Am I Believing?

Gurus make it seem so easy don’t they? Go to their conference or buy their product and all your problems disappear. Did you ever buy into that lie at some point?

Chances are you thought leadership would be easier. Well, that’s just a lie.

Identify the lie you are believing & you will crush some of the discouragement.  The lie that marketers sell you is really killing your spirit. We only need to look at the scripture to discover that leadership was rarely easy.

Your discouragement isn’t just discouragement.  It’s a symptom of something deeper going on.  If you want to create a healthy culture in your organization, you can’t live mad all the time.  You can’t be frustrated 24/7.  Take a step today & answer these questions honestly.

I believe it will help you beat your discouragement & get back on the growth track.

It’s a lie to say leadership is easy. It’s the absolute truth, though, that humble, determined, committed leadership is worth it.

It’s a lie to say leadership is easy. It’s the absolute truth, though, that humble, determined, committed leadership is worth it. Click To Tweet

Let’s Get You Thriving

You know what makes leadership harder than it needs to be?

Overwhelm. And almost every leader I know is overwhelmed.

Let me show you how to beat that.

Want to find far more time at work and at home?  Want to really crack not just getting a day off, but finding more time for what matters most every single day?

It’s very possible…and I’d love to help you get on top of your everything so you can get your life and leadership back.

If you’re trying to find the time for what matters most in life, my High Impact Leader course, is my online, on-demand course designed to help you get time, energy and priorities working in your favour.

Many leaders who have taken it are recovering 3 productive hours a day.  That’s about 1000 hours of found time each year. That’s a lot of time for what matters most.

Here are what some alumni are saying about The High Impact Leader Course”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you for providing the course again. It has absolutely made an impact in my life and family already that I can’t even describe.” – First Priority, Clayton County, North Carolina

“Carey’s course was the perfect way for our team to prepare for the new year. Our team, both collectively and individually, took a fresh look at maximizing our time and leadership gifts for the year ahead. I highly recommend this leadership development resource for you and your team.” Jeff Henderson, Gwinnett Church, Atlanta Georgia

“A lot of books and programs make big promises and cannot deliver but this is not one of them. I have read so many books and watched videos on productivity but the way you approach it and teach is helpful and has changed my work week in ministry in amazing ways.” Chris Sloan, Tanglewood Church, Kingston, North Carolina

“Just wow.  Thank you, thank you.” Dave Campbell, Invitation Church, Sioux Falls South Dakota

“A game changer.” Pam Perkins, Red Rock Church, Colorado Springs, Colorado

Curious? Want to beat overwhelm and have the time to reinvent yourself?

Click here to learn more or get instant access.

What Helps You Beat Discouragement?

We all get discouraged. What helps you beat it?

Scroll down and leave a comment!

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Source: Dear Discouraged Leader (5 Questions to Ask Before You Implode)

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by Carey Nieuwhof: If you talk to most leaders long enough to get a real answer to ‘So how’s it going?” you will quickly discover that a surprising number of leaders are disheartened.

Even discouraged.

You know what thousands of leaders facing many different situations have in common?  They’re discouraged. 

Sure, the problems are specific (and they provide fuel for the subjects I try to address on this blog), but underneath so many of them is a single issue: so many leaders are demoralized and dejected.

Add ministry to leadership and it gets even harder. I’ll be the first one to admit that a large part of the battle in leadership is this: overcoming discouragement.

If you don’t develop a strategy, you won’t stay in leadership long.

So the big question is, how do you overcome the tough seasons?

How do you overcome discouragement in leadership? Here are 7 things that have helped me.

A large part of the battle in leadership is this: overcoming discouragement.Click To Tweet

1. Remember Why You’re Doing This

Most of us didn’t get into leadership without a clear reason.

Most of the discouragement in leadership comes from the what and the how.

Someone disagrees with you about what to do, and you find it frustrating. You get stuck in endless meetings where no one can agree on how to do it—super-frustrating.

The best way I know how to keep myself encouraged in those seasons and move the team forward at the same time is to remind myself why we’re doing this.

There’s a reason you’re leading. There’s a mission to accomplish.

Resetting your sights on why will not only re-motivate you and your team, it will often help you move past the logjam that is often what and how.

On my toughest days, when that doesn’t seem to work, I go back to my calling and I realize that this is what my life is supposed to be about.

Resetting your sights on why will not only re-motivate you and your team, it will often help you move past the logjam that is often what and how. Click To Tweet

2. Shift the weight

There is a weight to leadership that every leader feels. And some of that is healthy. If you don’t feel the pressure of leadership, it can be a sign that you’re not engaged.

Things become unhealthy, though, when you bear all the weight of leadership.

As a Christian, my rule in leadership is this: Take full responsibility for all you can do. And then trust God with the rest.

It relieves so much pressure.

Take full responsibility for all you can do. And then trust God with the rest. It relieves so much pressure.Click To Tweet

3. Do what an emotionally intelligent person would do

Some days (and in some seasons) my emotions get the best of me. And when they do, I want to revert to the behaviour of a 3 year old, not the behaviour fitting my stage of life.

How do you combat that?

Well, quite literally, on my worst days, I ask myself “What would an emotionally intelligent person do?” I imagine what they would do, then I do everything I can to do it. Try it. It works.

Emotional intelligence is all about developing a self-awareness of how your attitudes and actions impact others, and leveraging that to further the team and others. Self-aware leaders are always aware of key things that other leaders simply aren’t.

As Daniel Goleman points out in his classic book, Emotional Intelligence, emotionally intelligent people rarely let their state of mind bring others down. They’ve developed behaviours that compensate for their emotional state so they don’t drag other people down with them.

Being self-aware is one thing. The next step is to self-regulate: in other words, don’t make other people pay for your frustration.

Emotionally healthy people have enough objectivity to see how they’re feeling and enough strength to insulate others from the negativity.

On my bad days, I try to be that person.

Click To Tweet

4. Find some quick easy wins

Leadership can be frustrating. Often you’re working on long-term initiatives that present more hurdles than breakthroughs. And in ministry, the business of life-change can be very difficult to measure.

Sometimes you just need to win at something as a leader. If you can’t see a win in your day job, then go win at something else.

What do I mean? I mean something really small by which you can measure immediate progress:

Cut your grass.

Wash your car.

Clean off your desk.

Take a great friend out to lunch.

Go for a walk, run or ride and count the calories with your favourite fitness app.

The point? Do something you know will succeed and that can be seen.

Your car was dirty? Now it’s clean. Your grass was long? Now it’s cut.

That’s so unlike the progress you can measure in most senior leadership jobs.

Small measurable wins will give you the emotional satisfaction you need to go back and tackle the things you’re not sure are going to succeed or that are inherently difficult to measure.

5. Call a friend

Sometimes you just need someone who understands.

The challenge is many leaders don’t know who to call.

You shouldn’t always complain to your employees or board, because they work with you. And seeking affirmation from the people who work for you can be a critical mistake.

When I’m deeply discouraged, I often call a friend who:

Can understand because he has led in a position like mine before.

Doesn’t work with me directly so it doesn’t create a funk in the organization.

Honours confidences.

Often, even 15 minutes with someone who understands and empathizes helps so much.

Don’t have any close friends? Just remember, loneliness is a choice; it’s not inevitable.

Leaders, loneliness is a choice.Click To Tweet

6. Get some rest

I would love to figure out who actually said this, but someone observed that 70% of discipleship is a good night’s sleep.

So true.

70% of discipleship is a good night’s sleep. – UnknownClick To Tweet

If you’re discouraged, get some rest. Shoot for eight hours straight.

Or…just take a nap.

I’m convinced that sleep is a secret weapon the most effective leaders keep in their arsenal.

As I wrote about at some detail in my latest book, Didn’t See It Coming, staying on top of sleep has been one of the most important things I do to stay fresh and effective in leadership in the 13 years since I burned out.

You are at your most kind and optimistic when you’re most rested. You’re also at your best in leadership.

So rest.

You are at your most kind and optimistic when you’re most rested. So rest.Click To Tweet

7. Don’t quit

People make stupid decisions when they’re discouraged. Don’t be one of those people.

Never make long term decisions in a bad season; make them when you’re in a good season. And if you’re not in a good season, wait.

I am also fully convinced that far too many leaders quit far too early.

Here’s an interesting phenomenon: often in my leadership, I have been most tempted to quit right before a critical breakthrough.

I almost quit writing this blog two or three times before I started blogging regularly.

I almost quit early in my leadership when we were 95% of the way through the changes we were making the opposition got so loud.

I felt like quitting my marriage when we were in a particularly dark season. (But we pushed through and now have an exceptional marriage that seems to keep getting better.)

Then I look back and think “I’m so glad I didn’t pack it in.”

Remember. You are most tempted to quit moments before your critical breakthrough.

You are most tempted to quit moments before your critical breakthrough.Click To Tweet

And do you know what you give up when you quit?

That’s right. You have no idea.

So don’t quit.

Do you know what you give up when you quit? That’s right. You have no idea. So don’t quit. Click To Tweet

Beat Overwhelm. Here’s How…

It’s never been easier to feel overwhelmed, and for good reason.

Any idea how to beat that?

Let me help.

There’s a proven system that has helped thousands of leaders get far more productive at work AND spend more time at home with their family.

The High Impact Leader course, is my online, on-demand course designed to help you get time, energy and priorities working in your favour.

Many leaders who have taken it are recovering 3 productive hours a day.  That’s about 1000 hours of found time each year.

Maybe you’re suspicious and think “there’s no way I’d recover 1000 productive hours”.  Well, let’s say you got 3 hours a week back, not 3 hours a day.

Well, that’s 156 hours a year, which works out to almost a month of work weeks. Which is kind of like giving yourself four extra weeks of vacation.

All of that can happen and has happened through the High Impact Leader.

Here are what some alumni are saying about The High Impact Leader Course”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you for providing the course again. It has absolutely made an impact in my life and family already that I can’t even describe.” – First Priority, Clayton County, North Carolina

“Carey’s course was the perfect way for our team to prepare for the new year. Our team, both collectively and individually, took a fresh look at maximizing our time and leadership gifts for the year ahead. I highly recommend this leadership development resource for you and your team.” Jeff Henderson, Gwinnett Church, Atlanta Georgia

“A lot of books and programs make big promises and cannot deliver but this is not one of them. I have read so many books and watched videos on productivity but the way you approach it and teach is helpful and has changed my work week in ministry in amazing ways.” Chris Sloan, Tanglewood Church, Kingston, North Carolina

“Just wow.  Thank you, thank you.” Dave Campbell, Invitation Church, Sioux Falls South Dakota

“A game changer.” Pam Perkins, Red Rock Church, Colorado Springs, Colorado

If you want to start leveraging time, energy and priorities to help you lead better at work and at home, visit www.TheHighImpactLeader.com to learn more.

I don’t know where you’re at, but my heart is for every leader to get out of the trap of being busy but not productive, of working long hours but producing less than hoped for.

That’s what the High Impact Leader Course is all about: it’s about getting time, energy and priorities working in your favour. It’s about getting your life and leadership back.

Oh, and there’s a 30-day money back no-questions-asked guarantee. Nothing to lose. Everything to gain.

Click here to learn more or get instant access.

What About You?

What do you do that helps you push through a discouraging season in leadership?

Scroll down and leave a comment!

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Source: 7 Ways To Beat Discouragement in Leadership

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by Carey Nieuwhof: Only the crazy people believe in evil and an actual Enemy, right?

Well, that’s kind of what I used to think too.

As a young Christian, I believed that what the scriptures taught about evil was accurate, but accurate in a this happened thousands of years ago kind of way. And most people who talked about evil today were, well, a little off balance or just didn’t understand science well enough.

Then I got into church leadership. And all of us a sudden what I read on the pages of scripture about a battle between Good and Evil started to feel like last Tuesday. Not every day, but some days.

Maybe you’ve felt that too.

You’re not alone.

Talking about the work of the enemy is not an easy task.

The challenge, I think, lies at the extremes. There are some Christian leaders who never talk about Satan and others who talk incessantly about him. You know what I mean. In the case of the latter, every time the toast burns or something doesn’t go their way, Satan is behind it and it’s time for an exorcism. Neither extreme is particularly helpful.

In a similar way, the greatest mistake I believe you can make with evil is to overestimate or underestimate its influence.

It doesn’t have ultimate power, but it also isn’t powerless. Evil is active. And in some way, it’s probably influencing your thought life, ministry, and family right now. At least that’s what the scriptures claim. And Jesus himself acted as though evil was very real.

…

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Source: 5 Signs The Enemy (Not God) is Winning In Your Life and Leadership

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Source: Five Ways to Fight Discouragement When You Want to Quit

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