by Carey Nieuwhof: If you talk to most leaders long enough to get a real answer to ‘So how’s it going?” you will quickly discover that a surprising number of leaders are disheartened.
You know what thousands of leaders facing many different situations have in common? They’re discouraged.
Sure, the problems are specific (and they provide fuel for the subjects I try to address on this blog), but underneath so many of them is a single issue: so many leaders are demoralized and dejected.
Add ministry to leadership and it gets even harder. I’ll be the first one to admit that a large part of the battle in leadership is this: overcoming discouragement.
If you don’t develop a strategy, you won’t stay in leadership long.
So the big question is, how do you overcome the tough seasons?
How do you overcome discouragement in leadership? Here are 7 things that have helped me.
A large part of the battle in leadership is this: overcoming discouragement.Click To Tweet
1. Remember Why You’re Doing This
Most of us didn’t get into leadership without a clear reason.
Most of the discouragement in leadership comes from the what and the how.
Someone disagrees with you about what to do, and you find it frustrating. You get stuck in endless meetings where no one can agree on how to do it—super-frustrating.
The best way I know how to keep myself encouraged in those seasons and move the team forward at the same time is to remind myself why we’re doing this.
There’s a reason you’re leading. There’s a mission to accomplish.
Resetting your sights on why will not only re-motivate you and your team, it will often help you move past the logjam that is often what and how.
On my toughest days, when that doesn’t seem to work, I go back to my calling and I realize that this is what my life is supposed to be about.
Resetting your sights on why will not only re-motivate you and your team, it will often help you move past the logjam that is often what and how. Click To Tweet
2. Shift the weight
There is a weight to leadership that every leader feels. And some of that is healthy. If you don’t feel the pressure of leadership, it can be a sign that you’re not engaged.
Things become unhealthy, though, when you bear all the weight of leadership.
As a Christian, my rule in leadership is this: Take full responsibility for all you can do. And then trust God with the rest.
It relieves so much pressure.
Take full responsibility for all you can do. And then trust God with the rest. It relieves so much pressure.Click To Tweet
3. Do what an emotionally intelligent person would do
Some days (and in some seasons) my emotions get the best of me. And when they do, I want to revert to the behaviour of a 3 year old, not the behaviour fitting my stage of life.
How do you combat that?
Well, quite literally, on my worst days, I ask myself “What would an emotionally intelligent person do?” I imagine what they would do, then I do everything I can to do it. Try it. It works.
Emotional intelligence is all about developing a self-awareness of how your attitudes and actions impact others, and leveraging that to further the team and others. Self-aware leaders are always aware of key things that other leaders simply aren’t.
As Daniel Goleman points out in his classic book, Emotional Intelligence, emotionally intelligent people rarely let their state of mind bring others down. They’ve developed behaviours that compensate for their emotional state so they don’t drag other people down with them.
Being self-aware is one thing. The next step is to self-regulate: in other words, don’t make other people pay for your frustration.
Emotionally healthy people have enough objectivity to see how they’re feeling and enough strength to insulate others from the negativity.
On my bad days, I try to be that person.
4. Find some quick easy wins
Leadership can be frustrating. Often you’re working on long-term initiatives that present more hurdles than breakthroughs. And in ministry, the business of life-change can be very difficult to measure.
Sometimes you just need to win at something as a leader. If you can’t see a win in your day job, then go win at something else.
What do I mean? I mean something really small by which you can measure immediate progress:
Cut your grass.
Wash your car.
Clean off your desk.
Take a great friend out to lunch.
Go for a walk, run or ride and count the calories with your favourite fitness app.
The point? Do something you know will succeed and that can be seen.
Your car was dirty? Now it’s clean. Your grass was long? Now it’s cut.
That’s so unlike the progress you can measure in most senior leadership jobs.
Small measurable wins will give you the emotional satisfaction you need to go back and tackle the things you’re not sure are going to succeed or that are inherently difficult to measure.
5. Call a friend
Sometimes you just need someone who understands.
The challenge is many leaders don’t know who to call.
You shouldn’t always complain to your employees or board, because they work with you. And seeking affirmation from the people who work for you can be a critical mistake.
When I’m deeply discouraged, I often call a friend who:
Can understand because he has led in a position like mine before.
Doesn’t work with me directly so it doesn’t create a funk in the organization.
Often, even 15 minutes with someone who understands and empathizes helps so much.
Don’t have any close friends? Just remember, loneliness is a choice; it’s not inevitable.
Leaders, loneliness is a choice.Click To Tweet
6. Get some rest
I would love to figure out who actually said this, but someone observed that 70% of discipleship is a good night’s sleep.
70% of discipleship is a good night’s sleep. – UnknownClick To Tweet
If you’re discouraged, get some rest. Shoot for eight hours straight.
Or…just take a nap.
I’m convinced that sleep is a secret weapon the most effective leaders keep in their arsenal.
As I wrote about at some detail in my latest book, Didn’t See It Coming, staying on top of sleep has been one of the most important things I do to stay fresh and effective in leadership in the 13 years since I burned out.
You are at your most kind and optimistic when you’re most rested. You’re also at your best in leadership.
You are at your most kind and optimistic when you’re most rested. So rest.Click To Tweet
7. Don’t quit
People make stupid decisions when they’re discouraged. Don’t be one of those people.
Never make long term decisions in a bad season; make them when you’re in a good season. And if you’re not in a good season, wait.
I am also fully convinced that far too many leaders quit far too early.
Here’s an interesting phenomenon: often in my leadership, I have been most tempted to quit right before a critical breakthrough.
I almost quit writing this blog two or three times before I started blogging regularly.
I almost quit early in my leadership when we were 95% of the way through the changes we were making the opposition got so loud.
I felt like quitting my marriage when we were in a particularly dark season. (But we pushed through and now have an exceptional marriage that seems to keep getting better.)
Then I look back and think “I’m so glad I didn’t pack it in.”
Remember. You are most tempted to quit moments before your critical breakthrough.
You are most tempted to quit moments before your critical breakthrough.Click To Tweet
And do you know what you give up when you quit?
That’s right. You have no idea.
So don’t quit.
Do you know what you give up when you quit? That’s right. You have no idea. So don’t quit. Click To Tweet
It’s never been easier to feel overwhelmed, and for good reason.
Any idea how to beat that?
Let me help.
There’s a proven system that has helped thousands of leaders get far more productive at work AND spend more time at home with their family.
The High Impact Leader course, is my online, on-demand course designed to help you get time, energy and priorities working in your favour.
Many leaders who have taken it are recovering 3 productive hours a day. That’s about 1000 hours of found time each year.
Maybe you’re suspicious and think “there’s no way I’d recover 1000 productive hours”. Well, let’s say you got 3 hours a week back, not 3 hours a day.
Well, that’s 156 hours a year, which works out to almost a month of work weeks. Which is kind of like giving yourself four extra weeks of vacation.
All of that can happen and has happened through the High Impact Leader.
Here are what some alumni are saying about The High Impact Leader Course”
“Thank you, thank you, thank you for providing the course again. It has absolutely made an impact in my life and family already that I can’t even describe.” – First Priority, Clayton County, North Carolina
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“A game changer.” Pam Perkins, Red Rock Church, Colorado Springs, Colorado
If you want to start leveraging time, energy and priorities to help you lead better at work and at home, visit www.TheHighImpactLeader.com to learn more.
I don’t know where you’re at, but my heart is for every leader to get out of the trap of being busy but not productive, of working long hours but producing less than hoped for.
That’s what the High Impact Leader Course is all about: it’s about getting time, energy and priorities working in your favour. It’s about getting your life and leadership back.
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What About You?
What do you do that helps you push through a discouraging season in leadership?
Scroll down and leave a comment!