by Carey Nieuwhof: Anyone who has been married for a while knows it can be difficult, but marriage is often harder than most couples signed up for. Joel and Nina Schmidgall talk about the struggles they themselves and the couples they work with face, and how prayer can help more than you think. Adapting the framework of Mark Batterson’s New York Time’s Best-selling book, The Circle Maker, Joel and Nina talk about how praying circles around your marriage can change your marriage for the better.
Welcome to Episode 248 of the podcast. Listen and access the show notes below or search for the Carey Nieuwhof Leadership Podcast on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts and listen for free.
Step up your digital game and grow your congregation through custom-tailored content with Pro Media Fire. Take advantage of this special offer for podcast listeners at promediafire.com/carey and receive 10% off all plans for life and 40% off media bundles for life.
If you’re looking for a virtual staff solution BELAY can help. From virtual assistants, bookkeepers and web specialists, visit belaysolutions.com/carey/to learn more about how I save time with BELAY.
3 Insights from Joel & Nina
1. Conflict in marriage is an opportunity for growth
Often couples try to avoid conflict at all costs, but those costs are high and can take relationships to very unhealthy places. It’s important to learn how to fight fair and to use that tension as an opportunity to grow closer.
Ultimately, the source of conflict comes from not knowing how to relate to each other’s unique personalities. Learning how to navigate those differences in a way that builds up both people is key to growing together in the healthiest of ways.
2. Routine maintenance is a great investment for your marriage
Anyone who owns a car knows it’s better to get a $30 oil change regularly than to end up spending thousands replacing an engine. That same idea of routine maintenance should play out in marriage, too.
One great way to perform routine checkups, whether weekly, monthly, or whatever you work out, is to consistently come together and invest time communicating in your marriage. Come to your checkups prepared, open and ready to initiate whatever conversations need to take place and you should see a great return on the investment of your routine maintenance.
3. Praying circles in your marriage maximizes what God can do
What if couples leaned more into prayer? In their book Praying Circles Around Your Marriage, Joel and Nina write about what marriage can look like when couples bring intentionality, purpose, and specificity to their prayer life – into the worst parts and into the best parts of marriage.
Couples can see change happen through prayer in every part of their marriage by seeking understanding rather than being understood. Connecting to the Holy Spirit will maximize who they are, their calling, and what God can and will do through their marriage.
Quotes from Episode 248
If you’re winning at work, but not winning at home, you’re losing. @cnieuwhofClick To Tweet
You’re drawn to the things that you wish you had more of in your own life. @ninaschmidgallClick To Tweet
I don’t know how people do marriage without prayer. When your body hits your knees, your heart finds humility. @joelschmidgallClick To Tweet
It’s amazing how often we allow conflict, division and problems to go unresolved just by neglect. @cnieuwhofClick To Tweet
If you’ve never prayed for your wife, you have a weapon in your arsenal that you’re not using. @joelschmidgallClick To Tweet
Consistency beats intensity. @joelschmidgallClick To Tweet
Looking for a key quote? More of a reader?
Read or download a free PDF transcript of this episode here.
Didn’t See It Coming Will Help You Solve the Problems Most Leaders Miss
If you want practical help overcoming some of the biggest challenges leaders face, my new book Didn’t See It Coming: Overcoming the 7 Greatest Challenges That Nobody Expects and Everyone Experiences tackles the seven core issues that take people out: cynicism, compromise, disconnectedness, irrelevance, pride, burnout, and the emptiness of success and provides strategies on how to combat each.
I wrote the book because no 18 year old sets out to be cynical, jaded and disconnected by age 35. Yet it happens all the time.
The good news is, it doesn’t have to be that way.
Here’s what top leaders are saying about Didn’t See It Coming:
“Seriously, this may be the most important book you read this year.” Jud Wilhite, Lead Pastor, Central Church
“Powerful, personal, and highly readable. ” Brian Houston, Global Senior Pastor, Hillsong
“Whatever challenge you’re facing, whatever obstacle you’re hoping to overcome, whatever future you dream or imagine, there is something powerful for you here.” Andy Stanley, Founder, North Point Ministries
“Uncommonly perceptive and generous…You have to read this book.” Ann Voskamp, NYT bestselling author
“Masterful.” Reggie Joiner, CEO Orange
“Deep biblical insight, straightforward truth, and practical wisdom to help you grow.” Craig Groeschel, Pastor and NYT bestselling author
“This book is sure to help you.” Daniel H. Pink, NYT bestselling author
Over the years, one of the things I’ve enjoyed most about being a public speaker is having opportunities to hang out with Carey…It’s not a matter of if you’ll run into these challenges; it’s a matter of when. Be prepared by spending a little time with a leader who has already been there.” Jon Acuff, NYT best-selling author
“Nieuwhof’s book provides expert guidance…with an accuracy that pierces the heart.” Nancy Duarte, CEO Duarte Inc.
“A refreshingly transparent guide for all leaders in a wide variety of industries.” Bryan Miles, Co-Founder and CEO, BELAY
Subscribe for free and never miss out on wisdom from world-class leaders like Brian Houston, Andy Stanley, Craig Groeschel, Nancy Duarte, Henry Cloud, Patrick Lencioni, Francis Chan, Ann Voskamp, Erwin McManus and many others.
Subscribe using your favorite podcast app via
Spread the Word. Leave a Rating and Review
Hopefully, this episode has helped you lead like never before. That’s my goal. If you appreciated it, could you share the love?
The best way to do that is to rate the podcast on Apple Podcasts and leave us a brief review! You can do the same on Stitcher and on TuneIn as well.
Your ratings and reviews help us place the podcast in front of new leaders and listeners. Your feedback also lets me know how I can better serve you.
Thank you for being so awesome.
Next Episode: Kara Powell & Steve Argue
Every parent and every teen and young adult knows things are changing. So does every parent and leader. But the real question is: How are things changing and what does it mean? Kara Powell and Steve Argue dive into their latest research and explain how a twenty year gap has emerged between when kids grow up too fast as young teens but don’t fullly emerge as adults until 30, and what that means for kids, parents, emerging adults and leaders.
Subscribe for free now and you won’t miss Episode 249.